One of the best things about mothering the third time around is my mommy confidence. I still second guess myself a little, but I find myself much more self-assured in what I am doing as a mom. Its so much easier to cuddle, dress, change, wash, feed and generally deal with a baby after having done it twice prior. I remember my super caution when Lilly was born, being ever so gentle with her, afraid she might break. Now, I am much more at ease with myself and my parenting. I know all babies, and all kids, are different, and we have already dealt with two starkly contrasting personalities with Lilly and then Ryley. I know Avery will be different still, but it is nice to have been down this road before.
That being said, I could use some advice from my mommy (and daddy!) friends out there. My pediatrician is a tried and true believer in the "Ferberizing" method for sleep. It seems really extreme, but when you actually research the term, it isn't about totally letting baby cry it out for an endless amount of time. Instead, its about helping baby learn to soothe themselves to sleep. My pediatrician recommends waiting until baby is about 4 months old. He says this is the perfect time to help Avery learn to soothe herself, and that it will get harder to break bad sleep habits if you wait until after the 6 month mark or so. Don't get me wrong, I am actually a little sad about it. I like cuddling her, letting her fall asleep in my arms. It's just that during the day, I have trouble getting her to take a nap on her own. I rock her to sleep, put her down. It is always 20 minutes or less, and she is awake, crying, and still tired. At night, she sleeps like a dream. Twelve solid hours a night. But during the day, she consistently wakes up, still tired. If I hold her, she sleeps. If I put her down, she wakes. Without fail. I don't remember ever having trouble with the other girls napping as a baby. I've been wondering if trying to help her soothe herself to sleep will help her sleep more soundly during the day. Sure I could put her in my sling and cart her around while she sleeps, and sometimes I do. That is just not an everyday solution. At least not to me it isn't. It would be really nice to get Miss Avery into a better sleeping routine for daytime! Any ideas?
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Camping Fun!
Well, its already been a month since we took Avery on her first camping excursion, Dale Hollow Lake. It was also my nephew Paxton's first camping trip too, and we had so much fun!! The weekend prior, it had been 95+ degrees, so we were worried about how hot it was going to be. In actuality, it was much cooler than we thought, and we all ended up in hoodies and sweats during the evening and early morning hours. Luckily, it was still warm enough during the day to head to the lake, or the swimming pool. We all had a blast, one big (all 18 of us!) happy family!
Mommy warming Avery up!
Avery, lakeside!
Ryley, Daddy and Lilly enjoying the pool!
My nephews, Paxton and Jude, in the baby jail!
Family photo by the lake!
Thursday, June 28, 2012
One Year Ago....
Exactly one year ago today, the reality that our whole world was about to change was barely sinking in. One year ago came the test that read, "pregnant". June 28, 2011 was the day we knew our family was going to grow by two more feet. Our Avery was coming, though we didn't know "it" was a she yet. Somedays, I feel like that was lightyears ago, and other days it feels like the past year has flown by. I can't believe a year ago we were trying to wrap our heads around the idea of having three little ones, and now we have been living it for four months. Its still amazing how little Avery has changed our family for the better. She is such a sweet natured soul, quick to smile and so easy going. I can't imagine our lives without her. Though I can't say I look forward to the teenage years in any way, I do look forward to watching my girls grow and change. I look forward to watching them develop as sisters. I know how close my own sister and I are, I can only imagine how impossibly close they will all three be in the years to come. It warms my heart, and I am glad they will always have each other.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
The gift of milk!
Its pretty obvious by now I have been a little obsessed with my journey with breastfeeding. It hasn't been a very pleasant ride, and once I made the decision to stop the insanity and just give it up, I have felt better emotionally. I am still sad that I can't be the one to nourish my child like God intended, but I am comforted by the fact that I did quite seriously try everything to help it work for us. I have also been immensely comforted by my friends and family who have shared their stories of trials and triumphs with breastfeeding. Its lovely when women can breastfeed successfully, and its also nice to hear the stories of other's struggles and feel not so alone. If you were one of those people who shared, cared and encouraged, thank you.
The best part about stopping breastfeeding has been a huge reduction in my stress level. I have still been a little misty-eyed about the situation, but merely accepting the situation for what it is has really been a big stress relief. Add to that, Carl has been able to be even more hands on and share the feedings with me, which is nice in the middle of the night. We also were blessed with quite a few sample cans of formula from the doctors office, so we haven't had any costs there yet. Even better has been the gift of an amazing best friend. I am lucky to have lots of good friends in my life, and four people I would list as my best friend. One of these people has given us a great gift. She has been blessed with an abundance of breast milk for her 9 month old son Jude. She came to our house last night with three bags full of frozen breast milk and jokingly called herself the breast milk fairy. Breane Breidert has been my best friend since the day we met in October of 2000. She is such a special person to me, and I don't know if I will ever be able to repay her for this great gift! I am so grateful that she has been willing to share with Avery the best nutrients nature makes!! We are so lucky! Thank you Aunt Breane, from the bottom of my heart!!
The best part about stopping breastfeeding has been a huge reduction in my stress level. I have still been a little misty-eyed about the situation, but merely accepting the situation for what it is has really been a big stress relief. Add to that, Carl has been able to be even more hands on and share the feedings with me, which is nice in the middle of the night. We also were blessed with quite a few sample cans of formula from the doctors office, so we haven't had any costs there yet. Even better has been the gift of an amazing best friend. I am lucky to have lots of good friends in my life, and four people I would list as my best friend. One of these people has given us a great gift. She has been blessed with an abundance of breast milk for her 9 month old son Jude. She came to our house last night with three bags full of frozen breast milk and jokingly called herself the breast milk fairy. Breane Breidert has been my best friend since the day we met in October of 2000. She is such a special person to me, and I don't know if I will ever be able to repay her for this great gift! I am so grateful that she has been willing to share with Avery the best nutrients nature makes!! We are so lucky! Thank you Aunt Breane, from the bottom of my heart!!
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Breastfeeding highs and lows....
What a roller coaster these past two weeks have been. Mothering three has been harder and more joyful than I could have imagined. Its funny how hard it is to accept the things God has put in my path. I wanted so badly to have a son, but God saw fit to give me another daughter, and now I can't fathom any other baby in her place. She has this beautiful disposition with dark eyes so expressive sometimes I feel like I can see her tiny baby soul. So far, she seems to have a very laid back spirit and I love how the chaos of our lives doesn't seem to bother her in the slightest. Carl and I joke she seems more restless at night, not because she has her days and nights confused, but because its too quiet in the house and she can't sleep!! I also wanted so badly a natural birth, and of course you know, I didn't get that either. I am healing pretty well from surgery, so its easier not to be disgruntled about the loss of that dream. Perhaps my biggest wish, was to be successful at breastfeeding #3. I struggled with both the other girls and I gave up very early on. I was determined to make this breastfeeding thing work.
At 5 days old, we had our first check-up and the doctor noted she had lost weight (which is expected) but not too much. We met with a lactation consultant, who really boosted my confidence as she watched us nurse. She praised Avery's latch and at the time she ate very eagerly. The next two days started a downhill slide that I didn't really see happening. I was worried because Avery wasn't really having as many wet or dirty diapers as I thought she should. When she did have a wet diaper I was even more concerned because I could tell the urine was way more concentrated than it should be. I continued to nurse on demand and she latched and ate well, though she tired easily and I had to try to wake her a lot. We spent a large part of those two days skin to skin, hoping her nakedness would encourage her to eat! Seems she is a typical Breidert with a good body temperature and enjoyed her nakedness! Two days later, we saw a different doc who was immediately discouraged. She checked Avery's diaper and said bad news. "That is "day 2" baby poop, and she should be having "day 7" baby poop"-basically she was getting dehydrated and not taking in enough fluids. She watched us nurse in office, watched us struggle to wake her. She gave us tips on waking her, supplementing her, etc and sent us home with the plan to force her to nurse every two hours round the clock and when finished nursing Dad should give her supplemented formula (1-3 ounces) and I should pump at the same time to help establish my milk supply. She said I was dangerously close to "drying up", unbeknownst to me. So we did this. The next 12 hours were horrible. Her dehydration had gotten so bad, not only could I not rouse her to nurse, we could barely rouse her to take a bottle. We had her naked, with a wet cold wash cloth and still it was hard to get her to take in more than a swallow or two. Still no pee or poop, and we nearly took her to the hospital. Carl and I diligently spent the next day setting alarms and force feeding Avery, and eventually she perked up and filled up some diapers for us. It was pretty scary, and made worse by my misplaced feelings of failure. I continued to pump, getting out a whopping 5 ml total every two hours. I know babies are more efficient at removing milk than a pump, but a teaspoon just seemed so disheartening!
Fast forward to this past Monday. I was sent a link to an article by a friend suggesting a link between women with PCOS and a low milk supply.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far into my very long vent. Its just been weighing so hard on my mind and spirit, it feels good to get it all out. Also, I know PCOS effects up to 15% of the population, and I know sometimes a third of those moms have issues with low milk supply. I wish I'd known that when I was struggling to breastfeed Lilly five years ago. I hope the information is helpful to anyone else who could be effected.
At 5 days old, we had our first check-up and the doctor noted she had lost weight (which is expected) but not too much. We met with a lactation consultant, who really boosted my confidence as she watched us nurse. She praised Avery's latch and at the time she ate very eagerly. The next two days started a downhill slide that I didn't really see happening. I was worried because Avery wasn't really having as many wet or dirty diapers as I thought she should. When she did have a wet diaper I was even more concerned because I could tell the urine was way more concentrated than it should be. I continued to nurse on demand and she latched and ate well, though she tired easily and I had to try to wake her a lot. We spent a large part of those two days skin to skin, hoping her nakedness would encourage her to eat! Seems she is a typical Breidert with a good body temperature and enjoyed her nakedness! Two days later, we saw a different doc who was immediately discouraged. She checked Avery's diaper and said bad news. "That is "day 2" baby poop, and she should be having "day 7" baby poop"-basically she was getting dehydrated and not taking in enough fluids. She watched us nurse in office, watched us struggle to wake her. She gave us tips on waking her, supplementing her, etc and sent us home with the plan to force her to nurse every two hours round the clock and when finished nursing Dad should give her supplemented formula (1-3 ounces) and I should pump at the same time to help establish my milk supply. She said I was dangerously close to "drying up", unbeknownst to me. So we did this. The next 12 hours were horrible. Her dehydration had gotten so bad, not only could I not rouse her to nurse, we could barely rouse her to take a bottle. We had her naked, with a wet cold wash cloth and still it was hard to get her to take in more than a swallow or two. Still no pee or poop, and we nearly took her to the hospital. Carl and I diligently spent the next day setting alarms and force feeding Avery, and eventually she perked up and filled up some diapers for us. It was pretty scary, and made worse by my misplaced feelings of failure. I continued to pump, getting out a whopping 5 ml total every two hours. I know babies are more efficient at removing milk than a pump, but a teaspoon just seemed so disheartening!
Fast forward to this past Monday. I was sent a link to an article by a friend suggesting a link between women with PCOS and a low milk supply.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far into my very long vent. Its just been weighing so hard on my mind and spirit, it feels good to get it all out. Also, I know PCOS effects up to 15% of the population, and I know sometimes a third of those moms have issues with low milk supply. I wish I'd known that when I was struggling to breastfeed Lilly five years ago. I hope the information is helpful to anyone else who could be effected.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Welcome to the world Avery Pearl!
I figure I should be allowed a few weeks leeway for catching up on my blog, since I have a new baby and three kids now. I thought, since today was Avery's actual due date, it was an appropriate day to write a quick post about Avery's birth story.
As you may have read here before, I had a huge desire for a natural, vaginal delivery. As you also may have read, towards the end of pregnancy, I had a rather uncooperative daughter who refused to stay head down and preferred the breech position. On Thursday Feb 23rd, I saw my midwife Emily who again confirmed Avery was still head up, complete breech. I felt pretty defeated, I had huge hopes that she would turn again, and though I knew there was technically still time for her to turn, it just felt like a huge loss.
Fast forward to the next morning, 4 am, I was awakened by my first labor contraction. I tried to go back to sleep, and was unable to because of contractions but also because of the thoughts running through my head. Slowly but surely, the contractions became closer together and stronger, lasting longer and longer. I knew in my heart it was the beginning of the real deal. Sadly, at 38 weeks and 3 days, this should be a wonderful thing, but I was torn. If labor didn't stop and Avery didn't turn, it meant another c-section. I knew if I showed up at the hospital with her in the same position as the day before, I would be under the knife in an hour or two. I just wasn't ready to give in to that yet, and I kept hoping either labor would back down or she would miraculously turn around while in labor (it has been known to happen!). On the flip side, however, I had NO desire to get to active hard labor if she was still breech. Why be in pain if the end result is the same? Eventually, when it because obvious that labor was increasing and not backing down, I summoned Carl home from work and we trekked to the hospital. I was glad to see Dr. Horn on call, he is a wonderful Christian man, and in prior appointments he had been supportive in my desire for a trial of labor. However, he confirmed what I already knew, Avery was still breech. He even agreed to let me labor a while longer at the hospital to see if anything changed. We did so, but eventually, I decided to throw in the towel. I won't lie, I was disappointed in the outcome, I wanted so badly to prove I could do it and to have that experience. However, I am thrilled that I advocated for my wishes during pregnancy, and even more thrilled that Avery got to pick her own birthday! I had piece of mind knowing that she would be ready to enter the world since my body had started the process all on its own.
Dr. Horn prayed over myself and Avery, and Carl and my sister Melissa gowned up to join us in the OR. It is always an awesome day when you welcome a life into the world, but it was extra special to share it with my little sister, who wasn't able to be present at the birth of either of my other girls. I have some wicked cool pictures and videos of the surgery, which not everyone would appreciate (if you are into that sort of thing, feel free to stop by and check them out-they are a bit gruesome for your average Joe). I also have some amazing pictures of Avery's birth and the moments that followed, and the feeling of hearing her new born cry won't wear off for some time. She is quite a sweetheart and really completes our little family. Avery Pearl was born 2-24-12 at 5:27 pm. She was 7 lbs, 2 oz, 20 in, and has a TON of dark hair! Her sisters are so smitten!! I hope you enjoy her pictures below, I wish blogspot wasn't so slow to upload pictures or I would post a ton more!!
As you may have read here before, I had a huge desire for a natural, vaginal delivery. As you also may have read, towards the end of pregnancy, I had a rather uncooperative daughter who refused to stay head down and preferred the breech position. On Thursday Feb 23rd, I saw my midwife Emily who again confirmed Avery was still head up, complete breech. I felt pretty defeated, I had huge hopes that she would turn again, and though I knew there was technically still time for her to turn, it just felt like a huge loss.
Fast forward to the next morning, 4 am, I was awakened by my first labor contraction. I tried to go back to sleep, and was unable to because of contractions but also because of the thoughts running through my head. Slowly but surely, the contractions became closer together and stronger, lasting longer and longer. I knew in my heart it was the beginning of the real deal. Sadly, at 38 weeks and 3 days, this should be a wonderful thing, but I was torn. If labor didn't stop and Avery didn't turn, it meant another c-section. I knew if I showed up at the hospital with her in the same position as the day before, I would be under the knife in an hour or two. I just wasn't ready to give in to that yet, and I kept hoping either labor would back down or she would miraculously turn around while in labor (it has been known to happen!). On the flip side, however, I had NO desire to get to active hard labor if she was still breech. Why be in pain if the end result is the same? Eventually, when it because obvious that labor was increasing and not backing down, I summoned Carl home from work and we trekked to the hospital. I was glad to see Dr. Horn on call, he is a wonderful Christian man, and in prior appointments he had been supportive in my desire for a trial of labor. However, he confirmed what I already knew, Avery was still breech. He even agreed to let me labor a while longer at the hospital to see if anything changed. We did so, but eventually, I decided to throw in the towel. I won't lie, I was disappointed in the outcome, I wanted so badly to prove I could do it and to have that experience. However, I am thrilled that I advocated for my wishes during pregnancy, and even more thrilled that Avery got to pick her own birthday! I had piece of mind knowing that she would be ready to enter the world since my body had started the process all on its own.
Dr. Horn prayed over myself and Avery, and Carl and my sister Melissa gowned up to join us in the OR. It is always an awesome day when you welcome a life into the world, but it was extra special to share it with my little sister, who wasn't able to be present at the birth of either of my other girls. I have some wicked cool pictures and videos of the surgery, which not everyone would appreciate (if you are into that sort of thing, feel free to stop by and check them out-they are a bit gruesome for your average Joe). I also have some amazing pictures of Avery's birth and the moments that followed, and the feeling of hearing her new born cry won't wear off for some time. She is quite a sweetheart and really completes our little family. Avery Pearl was born 2-24-12 at 5:27 pm. She was 7 lbs, 2 oz, 20 in, and has a TON of dark hair! Her sisters are so smitten!! I hope you enjoy her pictures below, I wish blogspot wasn't so slow to upload pictures or I would post a ton more!!
Just after birth!
One week old!
Friday, February 24, 2012
Look on the bright side, 38w 3d.
Well, I've been up since about 4am. Ryley woke me up calling for me, and I couldn't go back to sleep because I am having some small contractions. So, now I've done two loads of laundry and been packing a bag for the girls to take for their overnight stay when the baby is born. I know the tired is going to hit hard later on today, but its such a pain to lie in bed listening to Carl breath with a thousand thoughts running through my head.
The end of pregnancy is really coming down to the wire. I wish I could say yesterday's 38+ week checkup went great, but unfortunately baby Avery is still breech. I did a lot of crying yesterday, even though I know everything about this outcome is truly out of my hands. I feel better about it this morning, I know I have done (am doing) everything I can to help her turn and come out as naturally as possible. I am trying hard to accept whatever path of delivery comes my way. Yesterday, I was so frustrated and I did a lot of venting about all the research, planning and advocating for myself and a VBAC, just to end up with a breech baby and c-section anyway! I read only about 2% of babies are still breech at 38 weeks, yet its happened to me twice now! After some reflection, today I feel good about standing up for myself and insisting on giving labor a shot. It may not work out for me, but I am proud for giving it a shot. I go back and see an actual doctor (not my midwife) on Monday and talk about our options. Basically, if she is still breech by Thursday March 1 (and if I don't go into active labor before then), I am not going to have a whole lot of choice except accept the repeat c-section. I am still praying hard about it, and I am not going to give up hope yet! This whole process has been frustrating and liberating, all at the same time!! Thankfully, no matter what, we will meet our daughter in 6 days or less, so there's something to seriously look forward to!!
On a lighter, ending note, my sister found the funniest thing and sent it to me. Seeing as how we are about to welcome a third daughter, it seemed appropriate to share! Melissa says we should print these off in triplicate! :)
The end of pregnancy is really coming down to the wire. I wish I could say yesterday's 38+ week checkup went great, but unfortunately baby Avery is still breech. I did a lot of crying yesterday, even though I know everything about this outcome is truly out of my hands. I feel better about it this morning, I know I have done (am doing) everything I can to help her turn and come out as naturally as possible. I am trying hard to accept whatever path of delivery comes my way. Yesterday, I was so frustrated and I did a lot of venting about all the research, planning and advocating for myself and a VBAC, just to end up with a breech baby and c-section anyway! I read only about 2% of babies are still breech at 38 weeks, yet its happened to me twice now! After some reflection, today I feel good about standing up for myself and insisting on giving labor a shot. It may not work out for me, but I am proud for giving it a shot. I go back and see an actual doctor (not my midwife) on Monday and talk about our options. Basically, if she is still breech by Thursday March 1 (and if I don't go into active labor before then), I am not going to have a whole lot of choice except accept the repeat c-section. I am still praying hard about it, and I am not going to give up hope yet! This whole process has been frustrating and liberating, all at the same time!! Thankfully, no matter what, we will meet our daughter in 6 days or less, so there's something to seriously look forward to!!
On a lighter, ending note, my sister found the funniest thing and sent it to me. Seeing as how we are about to welcome a third daughter, it seemed appropriate to share! Melissa says we should print these off in triplicate! :)
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Happy Third Birthday Ryley!
Three years ago today, Carl and I were cuddling our newest little bundle, Ryley Jane. She was born at 3:58 am, after laboring all day the day before, only to come to the hospital a little after midnight to discover she was breech. Hard to believe three years has gone by, and its totally surreal to be expecting Ryley a little sister any day now. I can't believe my baby is going to be a big sister.
We hosted a family party last Saturday, to ensure we wouldn't "miss" her birthday by being in the hospital with Avery. Ryley had so much fun celebrating Toy Story style! I love her sweet, stubborn spirit and intelligent, observant mind. She is such a joy to raise!! Here are some highlights of our birthday celebration!
One of her favorite presents, a balloon bouquet from her Aunt Lissa (courtesy of her job at Select Suzuki)
We hosted a family party last Saturday, to ensure we wouldn't "miss" her birthday by being in the hospital with Avery. Ryley had so much fun celebrating Toy Story style! I love her sweet, stubborn spirit and intelligent, observant mind. She is such a joy to raise!! Here are some highlights of our birthday celebration!
Her cake mommy and Aunt Rye made! She was so proud!
Her Toy Story sidewalk chalks from Payton and Paxton!
Happy third birthday to my blue eyed girl! Dad and I love you so much!!
Friday, February 17, 2012
A horrible week!
What a week it has been! This past weekend we celebrated Ryley's birthday (a week early) with a small family party Saturday evening, and she had so much fun! We were slated to take her swimming with her buddies Sunday afternoon, but Saturday night, I started into a stomach bug that left me very depleted! Lilly started getting sick Sunday morning, so Daddy stayed home with the sickos and Aunt Lissa saved the day and took Ryley swimming anyways! I missed work Monday, then MOPS and an appointment on Tuesday, and I thought for sure I would be getting back to normal! But no! Still sick all night Tuesday night and into Wednesday, still miserable! So no work for me Wednesday, so next week I am going to have a blank paycheck! :( Bummer! Thursday I was starting to feel more human, and was able to make it to my doctors appointment. I saw a student midwife first who said she thought the baby was still head down and that my cervix was dilated 1cm and 50% effaced. However, she found baby's heart rate very high in my abdomen, which usually only means one thing. Yup. That's right. She's breech again. The regular midwife came in afterwards with a hand held ultrasound and confirmed the news. How can this be my luck?! I prayed so hard for her to turn so I could have a chance at a vaginal birth, and after all the elation from last week, I felt so down and upset. I know she still has time to turn (again) but I am just so frustrated. I am feeling pressured from the doctors office to go on and schedule a c-section for March 1st, and I guess I just have to hope and pray that Avery decides to turn again AND that I go into labor pretty much on my own before then so I don't have to fight them over it! Before, I was hoping and praying for labor to start any minute, now I am afraid to wish for it, because if she is still breech, I am going to end up in surgery anyhow. I am going to keep going to the chiropractor and keep doing the stretches and exercises that helped her turn the first time. I am just really having trouble staying positive, and I can't seem to get this sense of dread I have developed about the whole situation. My resolve is crumbling, and I don't know what else to do except pray.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
An update!
Likely, you are tired of hearing all about baby Avery. When you aren't expecting a baby, it kind of gets old when someone is constantly posting or talking about it. However, we have so many friends and family "rooting" for us and praying for us, I just wanted to share with you an update after my appointment today. We waited forever for the ultrasound today, but turns out, the wait was well worth it! Miraculously, today Avery was vertex and posterior, meaning she was not breech, head down and facing my back! The perfect position for labor!! I was super thrilled! The tech actually apologized about not being able to get good pictures of her face. I told her I thought it was a trade-off I'd make any day, you can't see her face because she's engaged where she needs to be! Two nights ago, the baby was making some pretty big movements but nothing that had me convinced she had flipped. She measured 6 pounds, 7 ounces today, and with the 37 week mark fast approaching, its so nice to be able to think about her being healthy and full term now! Its so wonderful to be able to start pushing the worry of a preemie baby out of your head and focus on safe delivery. In fact, the day before my water broke with Lilly, Carl took me on a four wheeler ride. Sounds like pretty brutal way to help labor along, and it was mighty uncomfortable! However, my water broke the next day and Lilly was born the day after that! So today, when we left the doctors office, Carl says, "sounds like it's time to head out the farm for a ride on the gator." I've said for so long, I want this pregnancy to last "forever" just to enjoy my last moments of this stage of my life. But now, I am finally getting uncomfortable enough to say, its time to start trying to move things along! Its so exciting to think about meeting her in just a few short weeks!! And for anyone who maybe curious, myself included, she is still a she! :) No surprise boy parts the tech assures me!!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
An overview of life!
We've had so much going on in our lives lately, and add to that, an increase in general exhaustion from baby, I've really made no time to update my blog. I've had a lot of thoughts and good topics to write about, just no time or energy to do so! So here we go, a random burst of updates from my mommyhood! :)
Baby update. I am 36 weeks today, and lately thoughts about the next few weeks have been fairly consuming, so its been nice to stay busy and try to keep my mind off all the possibilities. As of last Thursday (35w2d) little Avery was still breech. The midwife assures me its still early to worry, yet I am scheduled for an ultrasound this Thursday to re-check her position. My right hip has been bothering me anyhow, and since I know Chiropractic care can assist in helping the baby move into the correct position for labor, I went to a local Chiro. He was really great, it helped my hip tremendously, and I am going back again tomorrow. The baby still feels breech to me, but what do I know? Ryley didn't feel breech and she was.... I am also considering the possibility of having a version at the hospital if she doesn't turn on her own. This is a procedure where a doctor will manually turn her, and I think it scares Carl. Maybe I won't invite him in the room for that one, LOL! I am going to stick to my guns and hold out for a vaginal delivery, but if I can't get this little lady in the right position, what I want won't hold much water! I am just feeling a bit panicky about the uncertainty of it all. If she was in the right position, all I would have left to worry about would be labor starting and progressing on its own....now it feels like I have this extra set of worries. My constant prayers boil down to this: ," Please Lord, help me be okay with whatever path you have set forth for the delivery of baby Avery. I am trying so hard to relent control to you, and I am finding that hard to do." No matter what, we are all anxiously awaiting her arrival, the girls especially!
We've also been planning a birthday for Ryley. On the 18th, she turns 3! This coming weekend, we are going to celebrate. I figured if we did it early, we would increase our chances of not having to rearrange because of baby! We are having a "small" family only party at home Saturday, and then we've invited her buddies to go swimming with us Sunday at a local indoor pool. Ryley-bug is stoked about her Toy Story party, cake and sliding down the froggy water slide! Its hard to believe three years ago (almost to the day!) we were awaiting her impending arrival!
Lilly continues to grow, change, learn and amaze me. Sometimes its a bit shocking how much she notices and pays attention! Apparently the saying, "little pitchers have big ears" is very very true! Also, a funny story from recently. One morning, I let Lilly watch a cartoon while I was in the shower and her sister was still sleeping. Murphy's Law says, my head will be full of suds when I hear my child screaming bloody murder from the other room. Quite honestly, I think my heart may have stopped beating. She continued to scream and I was getting out of the shower, when I heard her footsteps flying into the bathroom. She has huge tears streaming down her face and she screams, " a HUGE spider dropped down from the ceiling and onto my arm!!!!!!!" I was so relieved, I started laughing and she was mad at me for laughing at her! All the commotion woke up Ryley, so then I had a bathroom full of kiddos and shampoo still in my hair. Yeesh!
Lastly, a huge change in our lives, Carl is finally working first shift again! I was never comfortable writing about how he worked third shift before, I suppose it's not so smart to advertise how you've been home alone at night. However, now since he is not, I can't tell you how great its been for our family dynamic! He is happier, sleeping better, and super stoked about the changes and things he is doing at work! I was so relieved it happened in the time frame it did, I was getting anxious about having a baby at home if he was on third shift still! It does kind of stink, however, that we will finally get into a good sleeping routine together, only to have a small bundle come along soon and shake that up again!
That doesn't begin to encompass everything, but its a great start!
Baby update. I am 36 weeks today, and lately thoughts about the next few weeks have been fairly consuming, so its been nice to stay busy and try to keep my mind off all the possibilities. As of last Thursday (35w2d) little Avery was still breech. The midwife assures me its still early to worry, yet I am scheduled for an ultrasound this Thursday to re-check her position. My right hip has been bothering me anyhow, and since I know Chiropractic care can assist in helping the baby move into the correct position for labor, I went to a local Chiro. He was really great, it helped my hip tremendously, and I am going back again tomorrow. The baby still feels breech to me, but what do I know? Ryley didn't feel breech and she was.... I am also considering the possibility of having a version at the hospital if she doesn't turn on her own. This is a procedure where a doctor will manually turn her, and I think it scares Carl. Maybe I won't invite him in the room for that one, LOL! I am going to stick to my guns and hold out for a vaginal delivery, but if I can't get this little lady in the right position, what I want won't hold much water! I am just feeling a bit panicky about the uncertainty of it all. If she was in the right position, all I would have left to worry about would be labor starting and progressing on its own....now it feels like I have this extra set of worries. My constant prayers boil down to this: ," Please Lord, help me be okay with whatever path you have set forth for the delivery of baby Avery. I am trying so hard to relent control to you, and I am finding that hard to do." No matter what, we are all anxiously awaiting her arrival, the girls especially!
We've also been planning a birthday for Ryley. On the 18th, she turns 3! This coming weekend, we are going to celebrate. I figured if we did it early, we would increase our chances of not having to rearrange because of baby! We are having a "small" family only party at home Saturday, and then we've invited her buddies to go swimming with us Sunday at a local indoor pool. Ryley-bug is stoked about her Toy Story party, cake and sliding down the froggy water slide! Its hard to believe three years ago (almost to the day!) we were awaiting her impending arrival!
Lilly continues to grow, change, learn and amaze me. Sometimes its a bit shocking how much she notices and pays attention! Apparently the saying, "little pitchers have big ears" is very very true! Also, a funny story from recently. One morning, I let Lilly watch a cartoon while I was in the shower and her sister was still sleeping. Murphy's Law says, my head will be full of suds when I hear my child screaming bloody murder from the other room. Quite honestly, I think my heart may have stopped beating. She continued to scream and I was getting out of the shower, when I heard her footsteps flying into the bathroom. She has huge tears streaming down her face and she screams, " a HUGE spider dropped down from the ceiling and onto my arm!!!!!!!" I was so relieved, I started laughing and she was mad at me for laughing at her! All the commotion woke up Ryley, so then I had a bathroom full of kiddos and shampoo still in my hair. Yeesh!
Lastly, a huge change in our lives, Carl is finally working first shift again! I was never comfortable writing about how he worked third shift before, I suppose it's not so smart to advertise how you've been home alone at night. However, now since he is not, I can't tell you how great its been for our family dynamic! He is happier, sleeping better, and super stoked about the changes and things he is doing at work! I was so relieved it happened in the time frame it did, I was getting anxious about having a baby at home if he was on third shift still! It does kind of stink, however, that we will finally get into a good sleeping routine together, only to have a small bundle come along soon and shake that up again!
That doesn't begin to encompass everything, but its a great start!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Time crunch!
Yesterday, I realized that today would be January 18th. In one month, my little Ryley is going to turn three! This is unbelievable by itself, but then I realized that Ryley was due on almost exactly the same day baby Avery is. Know what that means? She could be born in one month from today?! Or earlier, or later, depending, but it really freaked me out a little! Its not as if we haven't been preparing for her arrival, and its not like a surprise or something, it just really hit home how close it is getting! Both girls were born at or right around 38 weeks, so I wonder what the odds are that Avery will be born around then too? Or will she keep me waiting for another two weeks? I am getting excited and a little nervous! Its still hard to believe I am going to be mommy to three little princesses in such a short period of time! I also can't believe my "baby" isn't really a baby anymore and is going to be three years old. I just don't like how fast its all going by!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
30 weeks is bittersweet
30 weeks pregnant seems like a big milestone somehow. It is actually a little bittersweet, knowing this will likely be the last time I am ever pregnant. People say things like, "I'll bet you can't wait until that baby gets here!", and thats so far from the truth! Of course I look forward to Avery's arrival, but I don't want time to speed up, no matter how uncomfortable I get. I want to enjoy each and every day of this pregnancy. I am going to treasure her delivery when it happens. It already makes me sad thinking about it all being over. Sad to think about having a brand new baby only one last time. All this sad and nostalgia may have you thinking, that woman isn't done having kids! Maybe you are right, and I don't know what God holds in store for us. However, I just don't know how we will financially swing a fourth child, so I am preparing myself for life with three kiddos only, and treasuring the last weeks in a chapter in my life that feels like it is almost over.
I started writing this post this past Tuesday, when I actually hit the 30 week mark. Now its New Years Eve. Tomorrow it will be 2012, and it will be the year we welcome our baby girl Avery and my big girls will turn 3 and then 6. I know you are supposed to make New Year's resolutions, but really I just want to make a New Year's wish. I wish for time to slow down! I guess I can turn that into a resolution by saying, I pledge to enjoy every fleeting moment, both the good and the bad, because I can already see it going by in the blink of an eye!!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Traditions!
Seems like so many family traditions revolve around the holidays. I have lots of fond memories of the holidays of my childhood, and strangely, I don't have many real memories at all of the "things" I got from Santa. I vividly remember walking through the snow with my dad and brother searching for the perfect (aka hideous) cedar tree to chop down and bring home. Later in the years, my parents bought an artificial tree and my brothers went on Christmas strike because they hated it. My parents tried to keep the tree tradition alive by taking us to the same farm we cut our trees from so we could instead, hunt mistletoe. We always brought home a bunch! One year, we were all tossing rocks at this particular branch to knock down a clump and my dad said, "hold on guys, quit throwing rocks for second. I am going to walk under here and try to get it with a stick." Can you picture what happens next? My dad under the tree and my sister Melissa throws a rock anyhow, and busted my dad in the head! My goodness, if I had that on video, we could've been million $$ winners on Funniest Home Video!! We laughed like maniacs! Well, dad not so much, but we all laugh at the story to this day!! I still remember the way my dad used to hang our Christmas lights outside and how I loved the way it made our porch glow. I also remember when my cousin spilled the beans about Santa to me, and how upset I was, and how my dad comforted me by saying he would let me be his little helper elf! I will never forget helping him put out the Christmas gifts and how special it made me feel!!
I try to remember this with all the hustle and bustle of shopping and sales and toy adds. I draw on those memories when I worry about whether Santa will be able to make the kids happy this Christmas. We will never be a family whose kids get hundreds of dollars worth of things for Christmas, but mostly because I know what they need more are family memories that will last them a lifetime, not the "it" toy this year. I am actually a little sad that when the girls open their gifts this Christmas, I won't get any credit for all the hard work and thoughtfulness!! Really, why should Santa get all the credit?! That being said, I am really excited to see their faces when the open the special things they are getting this year!! I am more excited about sharing the joy of Christmas with family and making happy memories with them that they can smile or laugh about when they are older.
I say this last, not because it is least important, but so its the last thing you read! As kids, we did go to church as a family, and we did know the real reason we celebrated Christmas. I am trying very hard to impress upon Lilly and Ryley the importance of the whole season, and why we celebrate at all. Perhaps I am making a bigger impression than I think because the other day at the local library, we took the kids to hear a reading of "Llama llama, holiday drama". (A must read!!) The library worker was referring to Santa and Christmas and Lilly raised her hand and said, "We have Christmas because its Jesus's birthday!" I was so proud of her! Of course, being non-secular, the reader just said, "oh yes, some people celebrate that." Luckily, Lilly was too busy beaming at me and giving me a thumbs up, so she didn't notice the lady's tone! We have been missing out on church a lot lately because Carl and I have both been working Sundays. It makes me sad to miss church because I want the girls always to remember why it is we celebrate this wonderful holiday. Being pregnant myself, I think it makes Christmas especially poignant. I frequently think about Mary riding a donkey for miles and miles and giving birth in a barn and having nothing but rags to wrap her newborn baby in. Makes for quite a picture and it makes me especially thankful that she was willing to do that so we would all have a Saviour!! What a miracle! I think this year we may get a birthday cake and sing happy birthday to Jesus on Christmas morning. It seems like it might make a good impression, and how can you go wrong with an extra reason to have cake??
I am going to leave you with a picture of the girls that I took at the end of a cookie baking/decorating/eating session. Every single cookie Ryley iced, she asked, "can I eat this one?" Even if I had said no to the previous 8 cookies, she still asked anyway. Lilly was particularly focused and intense when decorating, carefully adding each sprinkle and chocolate chip. I honestly just sat back and watched them both decorate, loving the looks on their tiny little faces, wishing I could freeze time!!
I try to remember this with all the hustle and bustle of shopping and sales and toy adds. I draw on those memories when I worry about whether Santa will be able to make the kids happy this Christmas. We will never be a family whose kids get hundreds of dollars worth of things for Christmas, but mostly because I know what they need more are family memories that will last them a lifetime, not the "it" toy this year. I am actually a little sad that when the girls open their gifts this Christmas, I won't get any credit for all the hard work and thoughtfulness!! Really, why should Santa get all the credit?! That being said, I am really excited to see their faces when the open the special things they are getting this year!! I am more excited about sharing the joy of Christmas with family and making happy memories with them that they can smile or laugh about when they are older.
I say this last, not because it is least important, but so its the last thing you read! As kids, we did go to church as a family, and we did know the real reason we celebrated Christmas. I am trying very hard to impress upon Lilly and Ryley the importance of the whole season, and why we celebrate at all. Perhaps I am making a bigger impression than I think because the other day at the local library, we took the kids to hear a reading of "Llama llama, holiday drama". (A must read!!) The library worker was referring to Santa and Christmas and Lilly raised her hand and said, "We have Christmas because its Jesus's birthday!" I was so proud of her! Of course, being non-secular, the reader just said, "oh yes, some people celebrate that." Luckily, Lilly was too busy beaming at me and giving me a thumbs up, so she didn't notice the lady's tone! We have been missing out on church a lot lately because Carl and I have both been working Sundays. It makes me sad to miss church because I want the girls always to remember why it is we celebrate this wonderful holiday. Being pregnant myself, I think it makes Christmas especially poignant. I frequently think about Mary riding a donkey for miles and miles and giving birth in a barn and having nothing but rags to wrap her newborn baby in. Makes for quite a picture and it makes me especially thankful that she was willing to do that so we would all have a Saviour!! What a miracle! I think this year we may get a birthday cake and sing happy birthday to Jesus on Christmas morning. It seems like it might make a good impression, and how can you go wrong with an extra reason to have cake??
I am going to leave you with a picture of the girls that I took at the end of a cookie baking/decorating/eating session. Every single cookie Ryley iced, she asked, "can I eat this one?" Even if I had said no to the previous 8 cookies, she still asked anyway. Lilly was particularly focused and intense when decorating, carefully adding each sprinkle and chocolate chip. I honestly just sat back and watched them both decorate, loving the looks on their tiny little faces, wishing I could freeze time!!
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
A Lifetime of Thankfulness
I didn't take part in the whole "30 days of thankfulness" that seemed to sweep through my Facebook feed this month. This was not because I don't have 1,000,000+1 things to be thankful for, its just that I am a slacker when it comes to keeping up with such things. It also seems to me, its important to be thankful for all my blessings year-round, not just during the month of November. That being said, I thought I would jot a few things down that I have to be thankful for this year.
A roof over my head and a working heater to keep us warm. A husband that works hard to pay for said home and heater, amongst other things. For his friendship, partnership and love. Beautiful, healthy, intelligent daughters who brighten my life. Wonderful friends and an even better family. A new church family where we feel like we belong and are slowly learning and growing our faith! A love and appreciation for all the simple things in life. A 26 week old baby girl growing in my womb. A loyal boxer and onery kitten that round out our lives. And more important than all of those things, I am thankful for the One who loves me enough to let me have all these things, who loves me despites all my faults and short comings. Jesus Christ, whom I am still learning to lean on more and who makes all these things possible!
A roof over my head and a working heater to keep us warm. A husband that works hard to pay for said home and heater, amongst other things. For his friendship, partnership and love. Beautiful, healthy, intelligent daughters who brighten my life. Wonderful friends and an even better family. A new church family where we feel like we belong and are slowly learning and growing our faith! A love and appreciation for all the simple things in life. A 26 week old baby girl growing in my womb. A loyal boxer and onery kitten that round out our lives. And more important than all of those things, I am thankful for the One who loves me enough to let me have all these things, who loves me despites all my faults and short comings. Jesus Christ, whom I am still learning to lean on more and who makes all these things possible!
Monday, October 10, 2011
Lilly turns five!
A little trip down memory lane to celebrate my Lilly girl's fifth birthday!
Lillian Elaine born 10-10-06, 7 pounds,
2 ounces, 19 inches at 9:56 pm!
2 ounces, 19 inches at 9:56 pm!
First birthday!
Second birthday!
Third birthday! (Celebrating at the beach!)
Fourth birthday! (10-10-10 first weekend in our new house!)
Fifth birthday!
It is a little sad to scroll through and really see how much she has grown and changed! She has been such a joy in our lives and is so smart and fun to be around! She asked today since she was 5 now, could she go to Kindergarden now? Thankfully, I can still wait on that one! Happy Birthday Lilly girl! Mom loves you!!
Friday, September 16, 2011
Changing my mind...
I figure, as a pregnant women, you have a built in right to be fickle. To change your mind whenever you want. To love Mexican food one day, and just the thought of it the next day makes you want to vomit. I think for all the work and strain growing a baby can cause, the right to change your mind should be a given!
Also, when you consider all the plans and decisions that a baby brings into the picture, it makes "making up your mind" a very difficult task sometimes. I don't typically find myself to be a wishy-washy person. There are just a few things I am finding it hard to decide about, and others decisions that I don't have as much control over. Or that I will have to wait much longer to decide what is right. I HATE being in limbo! I like making a plan! I don't mind adapting or changing a plan, and I find myself pretty flexible when it comes to these things.
Seems like the rantings of a hormonal preggo lady? Guess you are right. Its just a few things have been weighing on my mind and there is just no answer in sight. The biggest decision (or choice) I am facing is about the delivery of the baby. When I was pregnant the first time, I only just worried about what delivery would be like, but not really how different my expectations would be from reality.
A bit of a background of my baby deliveries: at 38 weeks 1 day with Lilly, I started "leaking" fluid in the afternoon. By the next morning, still leaking but not in labor I went to the hospital. I was strep B positive, so they induced labor with pitocin. I started off barely a fingertip dilated. After 8 hours I was only 2 cm and the pitocin was awful! They just kept bumping it up and up and up and it was excruciating, and to top it off, not doing anything!! 8 hours after that, I got an epidural, I was only 4 cm, exhausted and ready to give up. They let me labor a while longer, which didn't change my cervix, and because I had ruptured so long ago, they thought it best to deliver by c-section. I gave in and in less than an hour, we had Lilly! The recovery was painful, but I didn't know any different. I think I had a touch of post partum depression, which makes for not-so-good memories of those first few days and weeks. You know what they say, "if I knew then what I know now......"
With Ryley, I was determined to have a VBAC, a vaginal birth after cesarean. It is quite common, very safe, and recommend by the American Academy of Obstetrics and Gynecology (AACOG) as the first choice for delivery of moms who are a "good candidate". I qualified as a good candidate and did not want a repeat c-section!! When I went into labor on my own at home at 38 weeks exactly, I was thrilled! No pitocin for me! (Besides, most docs won't induce a VBAC, it increases risk for uterine rupture) I labored at home, then at work and then at home again for 12 hours. It started slow and small, like it should and steadily got harder, longer and closer together. When the contractions were only about 5 minutes apart, Carl took me to the hospital! I was so stoked! I was doing it! I was gonna finally have what I wanted, a vaginal birth! HAHA, NOT! says Ryley! After I was settled in at the hospital, my water had broken by this time, the nurse doing the first internal exam says, "hmmmm. I don't think that's a head down there." EXCUSE ME?! What do you mean not a head?! In fact, when Dr. Horn came in with ultrasound, he confirmed her suspicions that Ryley was breech, her head up in my ribs! Since I had had a prior c-section, I was not a candidate for a version, which is an attempt to manually turn the baby from the outside. So, I was prepped for and wheeled into surgery, and at 3:56 am my stubborn Ryley girl was born butt first! I have to be honest here. I had a spinal block and not an epidural this time, and after surgery I could feel my legs really quickly. The recovery from the second c-section was a breeze, even if I know it was more painful than the average vaginal birth. I relished in my new baby daughter but a part of me was (is still) really frustrated! I know it was not any one's "fault" but I still feel kind of cheated!
Every woman's body is built to have babies. One hundred years ago, there weren't these extreme medical interventions. I appreciate what medicine and technology brings to the table as far as safety, the health of the baby and my own health are concerned but I feel left out of what could be such a normal, natural thing. Even though the AACOG still recommends VBAC as a safe alternative to elective c-sections, even after two surgeries, it is next to impossible to find a doctor that thinks a VBA2C (vag birth after two cesareans) is a good idea. Indeed, risk for mom and baby does increase with each c-section performed. But the risk of elective major abdominal surgery looms large too! The risks for both are very real, and very different. When meeting with my doctors, even early on, not one of them thinks a VBA2C is a good idea. They all recommend elective c-sections at 39 weeks. It also seems like they want to try to scare you with the risks that trying for a vaginal birth brings, but no one wants to talk about the risks for major abdominal surgery. I definitely do not want to labor again, be disappointed again, and end up with a c-section again. In that aspect, it might be nice just to schedule it and not have to ever labor. But a HUGE part of me wants the whole natural experience. Doing it the way nature intended. Dr. Hess says she will support me as long as they are convinced baby is small (how are they gonna know that?!) and that I don't get too close to my due date. At which time, she will insist I schedule a c-section. There is ONE doctor in all of Kentucky that will work with, and recommends VBA2Cs. He is one hour away, and does not take my insurance, so that is out of the question.
As I re-read this, I realize that it has turned into quite a long rant. I didn't mean for it to turn out quite so long to read, and thanks to anyone who made it all the way to the end of my frustrating story. So, despite it all, I am left to wait and see. Wait and see if baby is "big or small"? will I go into labor naturally? early enough? Can my body do it? but what about, can it do it in a way that allows the docs to let me have my way? We all just want whats best for baby, but its not going to be easy to stand up to a doctor who also claims to have baby's best interest in mind. But they are licensed professionals. I am just a mom. What do I know???
Also, when you consider all the plans and decisions that a baby brings into the picture, it makes "making up your mind" a very difficult task sometimes. I don't typically find myself to be a wishy-washy person. There are just a few things I am finding it hard to decide about, and others decisions that I don't have as much control over. Or that I will have to wait much longer to decide what is right. I HATE being in limbo! I like making a plan! I don't mind adapting or changing a plan, and I find myself pretty flexible when it comes to these things.
Seems like the rantings of a hormonal preggo lady? Guess you are right. Its just a few things have been weighing on my mind and there is just no answer in sight. The biggest decision (or choice) I am facing is about the delivery of the baby. When I was pregnant the first time, I only just worried about what delivery would be like, but not really how different my expectations would be from reality.
A bit of a background of my baby deliveries: at 38 weeks 1 day with Lilly, I started "leaking" fluid in the afternoon. By the next morning, still leaking but not in labor I went to the hospital. I was strep B positive, so they induced labor with pitocin. I started off barely a fingertip dilated. After 8 hours I was only 2 cm and the pitocin was awful! They just kept bumping it up and up and up and it was excruciating, and to top it off, not doing anything!! 8 hours after that, I got an epidural, I was only 4 cm, exhausted and ready to give up. They let me labor a while longer, which didn't change my cervix, and because I had ruptured so long ago, they thought it best to deliver by c-section. I gave in and in less than an hour, we had Lilly! The recovery was painful, but I didn't know any different. I think I had a touch of post partum depression, which makes for not-so-good memories of those first few days and weeks. You know what they say, "if I knew then what I know now......"
With Ryley, I was determined to have a VBAC, a vaginal birth after cesarean. It is quite common, very safe, and recommend by the American Academy of Obstetrics and Gynecology (AACOG) as the first choice for delivery of moms who are a "good candidate". I qualified as a good candidate and did not want a repeat c-section!! When I went into labor on my own at home at 38 weeks exactly, I was thrilled! No pitocin for me! (Besides, most docs won't induce a VBAC, it increases risk for uterine rupture) I labored at home, then at work and then at home again for 12 hours. It started slow and small, like it should and steadily got harder, longer and closer together. When the contractions were only about 5 minutes apart, Carl took me to the hospital! I was so stoked! I was doing it! I was gonna finally have what I wanted, a vaginal birth! HAHA, NOT! says Ryley! After I was settled in at the hospital, my water had broken by this time, the nurse doing the first internal exam says, "hmmmm. I don't think that's a head down there." EXCUSE ME?! What do you mean not a head?! In fact, when Dr. Horn came in with ultrasound, he confirmed her suspicions that Ryley was breech, her head up in my ribs! Since I had had a prior c-section, I was not a candidate for a version, which is an attempt to manually turn the baby from the outside. So, I was prepped for and wheeled into surgery, and at 3:56 am my stubborn Ryley girl was born butt first! I have to be honest here. I had a spinal block and not an epidural this time, and after surgery I could feel my legs really quickly. The recovery from the second c-section was a breeze, even if I know it was more painful than the average vaginal birth. I relished in my new baby daughter but a part of me was (is still) really frustrated! I know it was not any one's "fault" but I still feel kind of cheated!
Every woman's body is built to have babies. One hundred years ago, there weren't these extreme medical interventions. I appreciate what medicine and technology brings to the table as far as safety, the health of the baby and my own health are concerned but I feel left out of what could be such a normal, natural thing. Even though the AACOG still recommends VBAC as a safe alternative to elective c-sections, even after two surgeries, it is next to impossible to find a doctor that thinks a VBA2C (vag birth after two cesareans) is a good idea. Indeed, risk for mom and baby does increase with each c-section performed. But the risk of elective major abdominal surgery looms large too! The risks for both are very real, and very different. When meeting with my doctors, even early on, not one of them thinks a VBA2C is a good idea. They all recommend elective c-sections at 39 weeks. It also seems like they want to try to scare you with the risks that trying for a vaginal birth brings, but no one wants to talk about the risks for major abdominal surgery. I definitely do not want to labor again, be disappointed again, and end up with a c-section again. In that aspect, it might be nice just to schedule it and not have to ever labor. But a HUGE part of me wants the whole natural experience. Doing it the way nature intended. Dr. Hess says she will support me as long as they are convinced baby is small (how are they gonna know that?!) and that I don't get too close to my due date. At which time, she will insist I schedule a c-section. There is ONE doctor in all of Kentucky that will work with, and recommends VBA2Cs. He is one hour away, and does not take my insurance, so that is out of the question.
As I re-read this, I realize that it has turned into quite a long rant. I didn't mean for it to turn out quite so long to read, and thanks to anyone who made it all the way to the end of my frustrating story. So, despite it all, I am left to wait and see. Wait and see if baby is "big or small"? will I go into labor naturally? early enough? Can my body do it? but what about, can it do it in a way that allows the docs to let me have my way? We all just want whats best for baby, but its not going to be easy to stand up to a doctor who also claims to have baby's best interest in mind. But they are licensed professionals. I am just a mom. What do I know???
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Homesick
My in-laws live about two hours away from us. Carl is an only child, so our kids will be my in-laws only grand kids. I come from a family of four kids, and my parents have already been blessed with four grand babies, and another on the way. Two of their kids are still waiting to be married and start their families and add big numbers to our already big and blessed family. I struggle to remember that though all grandchildren are cherished, but to my in-laws, my gals are IT! Literally and figuratively. Sometimes its a struggle when I feel the seemingly constant need I feel to say no to something that a child asks of a grandparent. My in-laws are wonderful special people and have always (and I am sure will continue to) honor our wishes as parents. They aren't the go-behind-the-back types in any way. But I sometimes find myself giving in to an otherwise definite no situation.
That being said, this past weekend we spent some time at their house attending a wedding of Carl's high school pal. As the weekend was coming to a close, Lilly insisted that she should spend, "five days at Grandpa's house." A family friend, 11 years old, was staying too, and she would have someone to play with all week long. Grandpa is home during the day, so there is really no reason to say no here. I knew Grandpa and Grandma would love some special one-on-one Lilly time. Aside from my insides screaming, "but she's just a baby!! My baby! I am not ready and she is not ready and I don't want her to stay. But I am going to let her and I am not going to like it!" We drive away with only Ryley in the backseat, Lilly waving at me from the porch as we drive away. I cried all the way to the interstate and was teary half way home. Even Carl was teary, it just didn't feel right without her with us.
Fast forward to today, Tuesday (less than two days later). A teary Lilly on the phone saying, "I miss you mommy I wanna come home!". We were going to meet halfway on Friday and pick her up, but instead the exchanged happened today instead. Mostly, I am relieved my little girl is home, back where things feel right. I should be disappointed she didn't make it all week long like a big girl, but secretly (or not so secretly, now) I am glad she couldn't do it. I am glad my baby missed me. Its a nice reminder that I still mean something to her, she still needs me. These moments feel so fleeting, it feels like she needs me less and less every day. Maybe that's why its an appealing thought to keep having babies, so I will always feel needed.....
That being said, this past weekend we spent some time at their house attending a wedding of Carl's high school pal. As the weekend was coming to a close, Lilly insisted that she should spend, "five days at Grandpa's house." A family friend, 11 years old, was staying too, and she would have someone to play with all week long. Grandpa is home during the day, so there is really no reason to say no here. I knew Grandpa and Grandma would love some special one-on-one Lilly time. Aside from my insides screaming, "but she's just a baby!! My baby! I am not ready and she is not ready and I don't want her to stay. But I am going to let her and I am not going to like it!" We drive away with only Ryley in the backseat, Lilly waving at me from the porch as we drive away. I cried all the way to the interstate and was teary half way home. Even Carl was teary, it just didn't feel right without her with us.
Fast forward to today, Tuesday (less than two days later). A teary Lilly on the phone saying, "I miss you mommy I wanna come home!". We were going to meet halfway on Friday and pick her up, but instead the exchanged happened today instead. Mostly, I am relieved my little girl is home, back where things feel right. I should be disappointed she didn't make it all week long like a big girl, but secretly (or not so secretly, now) I am glad she couldn't do it. I am glad my baby missed me. Its a nice reminder that I still mean something to her, she still needs me. These moments feel so fleeting, it feels like she needs me less and less every day. Maybe that's why its an appealing thought to keep having babies, so I will always feel needed.....
Saturday, July 9, 2011
The infamous lovey.
For what its worth, no one at our house has a lovey. They have names for heaven's sake! You should address them properly, lest you be harshly corrected by a four year old. We have what seems like hundreds of stuffed animals and dolls lying around the house. I wonder what it is about a certain one that makes it so special in a childs eyes? Why do these few particular animals need to be hidden when the girls older cousin Payton comes for a visit?
Lilly has had Georgie the giraffe since she was about 18 months old. We had stopped at a rest area on a trip to Paducah and she spotted this stuffed giraffe. Being the frugal bunch that we are, we told her no. She must have been destined to have that giraffe because we found one identical at the local Paducah thrift store that very same weekend (it was only $2!). I always assumed Georgie was a boy. More recently, Lilly informed me it was a nickname and SHE was actually called Georgina. Duh, mom! Lilly also treasures a little stuffed doggie called PeeWee. She also has a blankie she calls silkie that is a yard sale recieving blankie that I cut in two long ago so I could wash one half at a time. She is old enough not to NEED these items anymore, but she still treasures them like gold.
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Ryley got a stuffed pig for her first Christmas, his name is Pig William (like Olivia's brother). She also has a little dog called Pearl thats a pink poodle, but her favor has moved of late to a little Ty beenie baby dog called Tracker "he's a basket hound" she'll say. She, too has a little silkie taggie blanket I made for her before she was born. She likes to rub on it as she goes to sleep.
I can only imagine what our house is going to be like as we add to our brood, and thus add to the piles of toys and clothes. But what I can't imagine is how its going to feel years from now, coming across one of these once cherished animals and remembering my babies when they were young.
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Lilly has had Georgie the giraffe since she was about 18 months old. We had stopped at a rest area on a trip to Paducah and she spotted this stuffed giraffe. Being the frugal bunch that we are, we told her no. She must have been destined to have that giraffe because we found one identical at the local Paducah thrift store that very same weekend (it was only $2!). I always assumed Georgie was a boy. More recently, Lilly informed me it was a nickname and SHE was actually called Georgina. Duh, mom! Lilly also treasures a little stuffed doggie called PeeWee. She also has a blankie she calls silkie that is a yard sale recieving blankie that I cut in two long ago so I could wash one half at a time. She is old enough not to NEED these items anymore, but she still treasures them like gold.
Ryley got a stuffed pig for her first Christmas, his name is Pig William (like Olivia's brother). She also has a little dog called Pearl thats a pink poodle, but her favor has moved of late to a little Ty beenie baby dog called Tracker "he's a basket hound" she'll say. She, too has a little silkie taggie blanket I made for her before she was born. She likes to rub on it as she goes to sleep.
I can only imagine what our house is going to be like as we add to our brood, and thus add to the piles of toys and clothes. But what I can't imagine is how its going to feel years from now, coming across one of these once cherished animals and remembering my babies when they were young.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
The game changer.
There aren't too many single words that can change your whole world quite like "pregnant". Don't get me wrong, we were definitely "trying" to get pregnant. In fact, we had been for some time. I have been diagnosed with something called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or PCOS for short. I got diagnosed when we were having trouble getting pregnant with our first. For me, a medicine to help correct my insulin resistance also helped to correct my hormone imbalance and we got pregnant quickly. The second time around, it was even quicker! So, I hoped the third time around would be just as easy. Wrong. I know lots of ladies struggle with infertility and 8 months doesn't seem like a long time, but it sure felt like it.
If you have ever seen this screen in your own home, or a more traditional "2 pink lines" test, your brain has ridden the proverbial emotional roller coaster. Even now, more than a week later, I am still in shock and continue to have all manner of emotions ranging from thrilled and excited, to terrified and worried. "What are we doing?! We're gonna be outnumbered!" mixed with "We're completing our family! and "We're so blessed!!" Also, because we have two daughters, there have already been loads of comments like, "don't you want a boy now?" or "Are you hoping for a boy?". As much as I would like a son, sometimes I resent the comments, even though I never let on. Am I supposed to feel like somethings missing because I only have girls? Well, I won't be upset either way this time. Maybe God just realizes how good we are at raising intelligent, beautiful sweetheart young ladies! I guess only time will tell!
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