Welcome to the world Avery Pearl!

  I figure I should be allowed a few weeks leeway for catching up on my blog, since I have a new baby and three kids now.  I thought, since today was Avery's actual due date, it was an appropriate day to write a quick post about Avery's birth story.
  As you may have read here before, I had a huge desire for a natural, vaginal delivery.  As you also may have read, towards the end of pregnancy, I had a rather uncooperative daughter who refused to stay head down and preferred the breech position.   On Thursday Feb 23rd, I saw my midwife Emily who again confirmed Avery was still head up, complete breech.  I felt pretty defeated, I had huge hopes that she would turn again, and though I knew there was technically still time for her to turn, it just felt like a huge loss. 
  Fast forward to the next morning, 4 am, I was awakened by my first labor contraction.  I tried to go back to sleep, and was unable to because of contractions but also because of the thoughts running through my head.  Slowly but surely, the contractions became closer together and stronger, lasting longer and longer.  I knew in my heart it was the beginning of the real deal.  Sadly, at 38 weeks and 3 days, this should be a wonderful thing, but I was torn.  If labor didn't stop and Avery didn't turn, it meant another c-section.  I knew if I showed up at the hospital with her in the same position as the day before, I would be under the knife in an hour or two.  I just wasn't ready to give in to that yet, and I kept hoping either labor would back down or she would miraculously turn around while in labor (it has been known to happen!).  On the flip side, however, I had NO desire to get to active hard labor if she was still breech.  Why be in pain if the end result is the same?  Eventually, when it because obvious that labor was increasing and not backing down, I summoned Carl home from work and we trekked to the hospital.  I was glad to see Dr. Horn on call, he is a wonderful Christian man, and in prior appointments he had been supportive in my desire for a trial of labor.  However, he confirmed what I already knew, Avery was still breech.  He even agreed to let me labor a while longer at the hospital to see if anything changed.  We did so, but eventually, I decided to throw in the towel.  I won't lie, I was disappointed in the outcome, I wanted so badly to prove I could do it and to have that experience.  However, I am thrilled that I advocated for my wishes during pregnancy, and even more thrilled that Avery got to pick her own birthday!  I had piece of mind knowing that she would be ready to enter the world since my body had started the process all on its own.
  Dr. Horn prayed over myself and Avery, and Carl and my sister Melissa gowned up to join us in the OR.  It is always an awesome day when you welcome a life into the world, but it was extra special to share it with my little sister, who wasn't able to be present at the birth of either of my other girls.  I have some wicked cool pictures and videos of the surgery, which not everyone would appreciate (if you are into that sort of thing, feel free to stop by and check them out-they are a bit gruesome for your average Joe).  I also have some amazing pictures of Avery's birth and the moments that followed, and the feeling of hearing her new born cry won't wear off for some time.  She is quite a sweetheart and really completes our little family.  Avery Pearl was born 2-24-12 at 5:27 pm.  She was 7 lbs, 2 oz, 20 in, and has a TON of dark hair!  Her sisters are so smitten!!  I hope you enjoy her pictures below, I wish blogspot wasn't so slow to upload pictures or I would post a ton more!!



Just after birth!

One week old!

Look on the bright side, 38w 3d.

  Well, I've been up since about 4am.  Ryley woke me up calling for me, and I couldn't go back to sleep because I am having some small contractions.  So, now I've done two loads of laundry and been packing a bag for the girls to take for their overnight stay when the baby is born.  I know the tired is going to hit hard later on today, but its such a pain to lie in bed listening to Carl breath with a thousand thoughts running through my head.
  The end of pregnancy is really coming down to the wire.  I wish I could say yesterday's 38+ week checkup went great, but unfortunately baby Avery is still breech.  I did a lot of crying yesterday, even though I know everything about this outcome is truly out of my hands.  I feel better about it this morning, I know I have done (am doing) everything I can to help her turn and come out as naturally as possible.  I am trying hard to accept whatever path of delivery comes my way.  Yesterday, I was so frustrated and I did a lot of venting about all the research, planning and advocating for myself and a VBAC, just to end up with a breech baby and c-section anyway!  I read only about 2% of babies are still breech at 38 weeks, yet its happened to me twice now!  After some reflection, today I feel good about standing up for myself and insisting on giving labor a shot.  It may not work out for me, but I am proud for giving it a shot.  I go back and see an actual doctor (not my midwife) on Monday and talk about our options.  Basically, if she is still breech by Thursday March 1 (and if I don't go into active labor before then), I am not going to have a whole lot of choice except accept the repeat c-section.  I am still praying hard about it, and I am not going to give up hope yet!  This whole process has been frustrating and liberating, all at the same time!!  Thankfully, no matter what, we will meet our daughter in 6 days or less, so there's something to seriously look forward to!!

  On a lighter, ending note, my sister found the funniest thing and sent it to me.  Seeing as how we are about to welcome a third daughter, it seemed appropriate to share!  Melissa says we should print these off in triplicate! :)

A horrible week!

What a week it has been!  This past weekend we celebrated Ryley's birthday (a week early) with a small family party Saturday evening, and she had so much fun!  We were slated to take her swimming with her buddies Sunday afternoon, but Saturday night, I started into a stomach bug that left me very depleted!  Lilly started getting sick Sunday morning, so Daddy stayed home with the sickos and Aunt Lissa saved the day and took Ryley swimming anyways!  I missed work Monday, then MOPS and an appointment on Tuesday, and I thought for sure I would be getting back to normal!  But no!  Still sick all night Tuesday night and into Wednesday, still miserable!  So no work for me Wednesday, so next week I am going to have a blank paycheck! :(  Bummer!  Thursday I was starting to feel more human, and was able to make it to my doctors appointment.  I saw a student midwife first who said she thought the baby was still head down and that my cervix was dilated 1cm and 50% effaced.  However, she found baby's heart rate very high in my abdomen, which usually only means one thing.  Yup.  That's right.  She's breech again.  The regular midwife came in afterwards with a hand held ultrasound and confirmed the news.  How can this be my luck?!  I prayed so hard for her to turn so I could have a chance at a vaginal birth, and after all the elation from last week, I felt so down and upset.  I know she still has time to turn (again) but I am just so frustrated.  I am feeling pressured from the doctors office to go on and schedule a c-section for March 1st, and I guess I just have to hope and pray that Avery decides to turn again AND that I go into labor pretty much on my own before then so I don't have to fight them over it!  Before, I was hoping and praying for labor to start any minute, now I am afraid to wish for it, because if she is still breech, I am going to end up in surgery anyhow.  I am going to keep going to the chiropractor and keep doing the stretches and exercises that helped her turn the first time.  I am just really having trouble staying positive, and I can't seem to get this sense of dread I have developed about the whole situation.  My resolve is crumbling, and I don't know what else to do except pray. 

An update!

Likely, you are tired of hearing all about baby Avery.  When you aren't expecting a baby, it kind of gets old when someone is constantly posting or talking about it.  However, we have so many friends and family "rooting" for us and praying for us, I just wanted to share with you an update after my appointment today.  We waited forever for the ultrasound today, but turns out, the wait was well worth it!  Miraculously, today Avery was vertex and posterior, meaning she was not breech, head down and facing my back!  The perfect position for labor!!  I was super thrilled!  The tech actually apologized about not being able to get good pictures of her face.  I told her I thought it was a trade-off I'd make any day, you can't see her face because she's engaged where she needs to be!  Two nights ago, the baby was making some pretty big movements but nothing that had me convinced she had flipped.  She measured 6 pounds, 7 ounces today, and with the 37 week mark fast approaching, its so nice to be able to think about her being healthy and full term now!  Its so wonderful to be able to start pushing the worry of a preemie baby out of your head and focus on safe delivery.  In fact, the day before my water broke with Lilly, Carl took me on a four wheeler ride.  Sounds like pretty brutal way to help labor along, and it was mighty uncomfortable!  However, my water broke the next day and Lilly was born the day after that!  So today, when we left the doctors office, Carl says, "sounds like it's time to head out the farm for a ride on the gator."  I've said for so long, I want this pregnancy to last "forever" just to enjoy my last moments of this stage of my life.  But now, I am finally getting uncomfortable enough to say, its time to start trying to move things along!  Its so exciting to think about meeting her in just a few short weeks!!  And for anyone who maybe curious, myself included, she is still a she! :)  No surprise boy parts the tech assures me!!

An overview of life!

  We've had so much going on in our lives lately, and add to that, an increase in general exhaustion from baby, I've really made no time to update my blog.  I've had a lot of thoughts and good topics to write about, just no time or energy to do so!  So here we go, a random burst of updates from my mommyhood! :)

Baby update.  I am 36 weeks today, and lately thoughts about the next few weeks have been fairly consuming, so its been nice to stay busy and try to keep my mind off all the possibilities.  As of last Thursday (35w2d) little Avery was still breech.  The midwife assures me its still early to worry, yet I am scheduled for an ultrasound this Thursday to re-check her position.  My right hip has been bothering me anyhow, and since I know Chiropractic care can assist in helping the baby move into the correct position for labor, I went to a local Chiro.  He was really great, it helped my hip tremendously, and I am going back again tomorrow.  The baby still feels breech to me, but what do I know?  Ryley didn't feel breech and she was....  I am also considering the possibility of having a version at the hospital if she doesn't turn on her own.  This is a procedure where a doctor will manually turn her, and I think it scares Carl.  Maybe I won't invite him in the room for that one, LOL!  I am going to stick to my guns and hold out for a vaginal delivery, but if I can't get this little lady in the right position, what I want won't hold much water!  I am just feeling a bit panicky about the uncertainty of it all.  If she was in the right position, all I would have left to worry about would be labor starting and progressing on its own....now it feels like I have this extra set of worries.  My constant prayers boil down to this: ," Please Lord, help me be okay with whatever path you have set forth for the delivery of baby Avery.  I am trying so hard to relent control to you, and I am finding that hard to do."  No matter what, we are all anxiously awaiting her arrival, the girls especially!

We've also been planning a birthday for Ryley.  On the 18th, she turns 3!  This coming weekend, we are going to celebrate.  I figured if we did it early, we would increase our chances of not having to rearrange because of baby!  We are having a "small" family only party at home Saturday, and then we've invited her buddies to go swimming with us Sunday at a local indoor pool.  Ryley-bug is stoked about her Toy Story party, cake and sliding down the froggy water slide!  Its hard to believe three years ago (almost to the day!) we were awaiting her impending arrival!

Lilly continues to grow, change, learn and amaze me.  Sometimes its a bit shocking how much she notices and pays attention!  Apparently the saying, "little pitchers have big ears" is very very true!  Also, a funny story from recently.  One morning, I let Lilly watch a cartoon while I was in the shower and her sister was still sleeping.  Murphy's Law says, my head will be full of suds when I hear my child screaming bloody murder from the other room.  Quite honestly, I think my heart may have stopped beating.  She continued to scream and I was getting out of the shower, when I heard her footsteps flying into the bathroom.  She has huge tears streaming down her face and she screams, " a HUGE spider dropped down from the ceiling and onto my arm!!!!!!!"  I was so relieved, I started laughing and she was mad at me for laughing at her!  All the commotion woke up Ryley, so then I had a bathroom full of kiddos and shampoo still in my hair.  Yeesh!

Lastly, a huge change in our lives, Carl is finally working first shift again!  I was never comfortable writing about how he worked third shift before, I suppose it's not so smart to advertise how you've been home alone at night.  However, now since he is not, I can't tell you how great its been for our family dynamic!  He is happier, sleeping better, and super stoked about the changes and things he is doing at work!  I was so relieved it happened in the time frame it did, I was getting anxious about having a baby at home if he was on third shift still!  It does kind of stink, however, that we will finally get into a good sleeping routine together, only to have a small bundle come along soon and shake that up again!

That doesn't begin to encompass everything, but its a great start!

Changing my mind...

  I figure, as a pregnant women, you have a built in right to be fickle.  To change your mind whenever you want.  To love Mexican food one day, and just the thought of it the next day makes you want to vomit.  I think for all the work and strain growing a baby can cause, the right to change your mind should be a given! 
  Also, when you consider all the plans and decisions that a baby brings into the picture, it makes "making up your mind" a very difficult task sometimes.  I don't typically find myself to be a wishy-washy person.  There are just a few things I am finding it hard to decide about, and others decisions that I don't have as much control over.  Or that I will have to wait much longer to decide what is right.  I HATE being in limbo!  I like making a plan!  I don't mind adapting or changing a plan, and I find myself pretty flexible when it comes to these things.
  Seems like the rantings of a hormonal preggo lady?  Guess you are right.  Its just a few things have been weighing on my mind and there is just no answer in sight.  The biggest decision (or choice) I am facing is about the delivery of the baby.  When I was pregnant the first time, I only just worried about what delivery would be like, but not really how different my expectations would be from reality. 
  A bit of a background of my baby deliveries:  at 38 weeks 1 day with Lilly, I started "leaking" fluid in the afternoon.  By the next morning, still leaking but not in labor I went to the hospital.  I was strep B positive, so they induced labor with pitocin.  I started off barely a fingertip dilated.  After 8 hours I was only 2 cm and the pitocin was awful!  They just kept bumping it up and up and up and it was excruciating, and to top it off, not doing anything!!  8 hours after that, I got an epidural, I was only 4 cm, exhausted and ready to give up.  They let me labor a while longer, which didn't change my cervix, and because I had ruptured so long ago, they thought it best to deliver by c-section.  I gave in and in less than an hour, we had Lilly!  The recovery was painful, but I didn't know any different. I think I had a touch of post partum depression, which makes for not-so-good memories of those first few days and weeks.  You know what they say, "if I knew then what I know now......"
  With Ryley, I was determined to have a VBAC, a vaginal birth after cesarean.  It is quite common, very safe, and recommend by the American Academy of Obstetrics and Gynecology (AACOG) as the first choice for delivery of moms who are a "good candidate".  I qualified as a good candidate and did not want a repeat c-section!!  When I went into labor on my own at home at 38 weeks exactly, I was thrilled!  No pitocin for me!  (Besides, most docs won't induce a VBAC, it increases risk for uterine rupture)  I labored at home, then at work and then at home again for 12 hours.  It started slow and small, like it should and steadily got harder, longer and closer together.  When the contractions were only about 5 minutes apart, Carl took me to the hospital!  I was so stoked!  I was doing it!  I was gonna finally have what I wanted, a vaginal birth!  HAHA, NOT! says Ryley!  After I was settled in at the hospital, my water had broken by this time, the nurse doing the first internal exam says, "hmmmm.  I don't think that's a head down there."  EXCUSE ME?!  What do you mean not a head?!  In fact, when Dr. Horn came in with ultrasound, he confirmed her suspicions that Ryley was breech, her head up in my ribs!  Since I had had a prior c-section, I was not a candidate for a version, which is an attempt to manually turn the baby from the outside.  So, I was prepped for and wheeled into surgery, and at 3:56 am my stubborn Ryley girl was born butt first!  I have to be honest here.  I had a spinal block and not an epidural this time, and after surgery I could feel my legs really quickly.  The recovery from the second c-section was a breeze, even if I know it was more painful than the average vaginal birth.  I relished in my new baby daughter but a part of me was (is still) really frustrated!  I know it was not any one's "fault"  but I still feel kind of cheated!
  Every woman's body is built to have babies.  One hundred years ago, there weren't these extreme medical interventions.  I appreciate what medicine and technology brings to the table as far as safety, the health of the baby and my own health are concerned but I feel left out of what could be such a normal, natural thing.  Even though the AACOG still recommends VBAC as a safe alternative to elective c-sections, even after two surgeries, it is next to impossible to find a doctor that thinks a VBA2C (vag birth after two cesareans) is a good idea.  Indeed, risk for mom and baby does increase with each c-section performed.  But the risk of elective major abdominal surgery looms large too!  The risks for both are very real, and very different.  When meeting with my doctors, even early on, not one of them thinks a VBA2C is a good idea.  They all recommend elective c-sections at 39 weeks.  It also seems like they want to try to scare you with the risks that trying for a vaginal birth brings, but no one wants to talk about the risks for major abdominal surgery.  I definitely do not want to labor again, be disappointed again, and end up with a c-section again.  In that aspect, it might be nice just to schedule it and not have to ever labor.  But a HUGE part of me wants the whole natural experience.  Doing it the way nature intended.  Dr. Hess says she will support me as long as they are convinced baby is small (how are they gonna know that?!) and that I don't get too close to my due date.  At which time, she will insist I schedule a c-section.  There is ONE doctor in all of Kentucky that will work with, and recommends VBA2Cs.  He is one hour away, and does not take my insurance, so that is out of the question. 
  As I re-read this, I realize that it has turned into quite a long rant.  I didn't mean for it to turn out quite so long to read, and thanks to anyone who made it all the way to the end of my frustrating story.  So, despite it all, I am left to wait and see.  Wait and see if baby is "big or small"?  will I go into labor naturally?  early enough?  Can my body do it? but what about, can it do it in a way that allows the docs to let me have my way?  We all just want whats best for baby, but its not going to be easy to stand up to a doctor who also claims to have baby's best interest in mind.  But they are licensed professionals.  I am just a mom.  What do I know???