Welcome to the world Avery Pearl!

  I figure I should be allowed a few weeks leeway for catching up on my blog, since I have a new baby and three kids now.  I thought, since today was Avery's actual due date, it was an appropriate day to write a quick post about Avery's birth story.
  As you may have read here before, I had a huge desire for a natural, vaginal delivery.  As you also may have read, towards the end of pregnancy, I had a rather uncooperative daughter who refused to stay head down and preferred the breech position.   On Thursday Feb 23rd, I saw my midwife Emily who again confirmed Avery was still head up, complete breech.  I felt pretty defeated, I had huge hopes that she would turn again, and though I knew there was technically still time for her to turn, it just felt like a huge loss. 
  Fast forward to the next morning, 4 am, I was awakened by my first labor contraction.  I tried to go back to sleep, and was unable to because of contractions but also because of the thoughts running through my head.  Slowly but surely, the contractions became closer together and stronger, lasting longer and longer.  I knew in my heart it was the beginning of the real deal.  Sadly, at 38 weeks and 3 days, this should be a wonderful thing, but I was torn.  If labor didn't stop and Avery didn't turn, it meant another c-section.  I knew if I showed up at the hospital with her in the same position as the day before, I would be under the knife in an hour or two.  I just wasn't ready to give in to that yet, and I kept hoping either labor would back down or she would miraculously turn around while in labor (it has been known to happen!).  On the flip side, however, I had NO desire to get to active hard labor if she was still breech.  Why be in pain if the end result is the same?  Eventually, when it because obvious that labor was increasing and not backing down, I summoned Carl home from work and we trekked to the hospital.  I was glad to see Dr. Horn on call, he is a wonderful Christian man, and in prior appointments he had been supportive in my desire for a trial of labor.  However, he confirmed what I already knew, Avery was still breech.  He even agreed to let me labor a while longer at the hospital to see if anything changed.  We did so, but eventually, I decided to throw in the towel.  I won't lie, I was disappointed in the outcome, I wanted so badly to prove I could do it and to have that experience.  However, I am thrilled that I advocated for my wishes during pregnancy, and even more thrilled that Avery got to pick her own birthday!  I had piece of mind knowing that she would be ready to enter the world since my body had started the process all on its own.
  Dr. Horn prayed over myself and Avery, and Carl and my sister Melissa gowned up to join us in the OR.  It is always an awesome day when you welcome a life into the world, but it was extra special to share it with my little sister, who wasn't able to be present at the birth of either of my other girls.  I have some wicked cool pictures and videos of the surgery, which not everyone would appreciate (if you are into that sort of thing, feel free to stop by and check them out-they are a bit gruesome for your average Joe).  I also have some amazing pictures of Avery's birth and the moments that followed, and the feeling of hearing her new born cry won't wear off for some time.  She is quite a sweetheart and really completes our little family.  Avery Pearl was born 2-24-12 at 5:27 pm.  She was 7 lbs, 2 oz, 20 in, and has a TON of dark hair!  Her sisters are so smitten!!  I hope you enjoy her pictures below, I wish blogspot wasn't so slow to upload pictures or I would post a ton more!!



Just after birth!

One week old!

Look on the bright side, 38w 3d.

  Well, I've been up since about 4am.  Ryley woke me up calling for me, and I couldn't go back to sleep because I am having some small contractions.  So, now I've done two loads of laundry and been packing a bag for the girls to take for their overnight stay when the baby is born.  I know the tired is going to hit hard later on today, but its such a pain to lie in bed listening to Carl breath with a thousand thoughts running through my head.
  The end of pregnancy is really coming down to the wire.  I wish I could say yesterday's 38+ week checkup went great, but unfortunately baby Avery is still breech.  I did a lot of crying yesterday, even though I know everything about this outcome is truly out of my hands.  I feel better about it this morning, I know I have done (am doing) everything I can to help her turn and come out as naturally as possible.  I am trying hard to accept whatever path of delivery comes my way.  Yesterday, I was so frustrated and I did a lot of venting about all the research, planning and advocating for myself and a VBAC, just to end up with a breech baby and c-section anyway!  I read only about 2% of babies are still breech at 38 weeks, yet its happened to me twice now!  After some reflection, today I feel good about standing up for myself and insisting on giving labor a shot.  It may not work out for me, but I am proud for giving it a shot.  I go back and see an actual doctor (not my midwife) on Monday and talk about our options.  Basically, if she is still breech by Thursday March 1 (and if I don't go into active labor before then), I am not going to have a whole lot of choice except accept the repeat c-section.  I am still praying hard about it, and I am not going to give up hope yet!  This whole process has been frustrating and liberating, all at the same time!!  Thankfully, no matter what, we will meet our daughter in 6 days or less, so there's something to seriously look forward to!!

  On a lighter, ending note, my sister found the funniest thing and sent it to me.  Seeing as how we are about to welcome a third daughter, it seemed appropriate to share!  Melissa says we should print these off in triplicate! :)

Changing my mind...

  I figure, as a pregnant women, you have a built in right to be fickle.  To change your mind whenever you want.  To love Mexican food one day, and just the thought of it the next day makes you want to vomit.  I think for all the work and strain growing a baby can cause, the right to change your mind should be a given! 
  Also, when you consider all the plans and decisions that a baby brings into the picture, it makes "making up your mind" a very difficult task sometimes.  I don't typically find myself to be a wishy-washy person.  There are just a few things I am finding it hard to decide about, and others decisions that I don't have as much control over.  Or that I will have to wait much longer to decide what is right.  I HATE being in limbo!  I like making a plan!  I don't mind adapting or changing a plan, and I find myself pretty flexible when it comes to these things.
  Seems like the rantings of a hormonal preggo lady?  Guess you are right.  Its just a few things have been weighing on my mind and there is just no answer in sight.  The biggest decision (or choice) I am facing is about the delivery of the baby.  When I was pregnant the first time, I only just worried about what delivery would be like, but not really how different my expectations would be from reality. 
  A bit of a background of my baby deliveries:  at 38 weeks 1 day with Lilly, I started "leaking" fluid in the afternoon.  By the next morning, still leaking but not in labor I went to the hospital.  I was strep B positive, so they induced labor with pitocin.  I started off barely a fingertip dilated.  After 8 hours I was only 2 cm and the pitocin was awful!  They just kept bumping it up and up and up and it was excruciating, and to top it off, not doing anything!!  8 hours after that, I got an epidural, I was only 4 cm, exhausted and ready to give up.  They let me labor a while longer, which didn't change my cervix, and because I had ruptured so long ago, they thought it best to deliver by c-section.  I gave in and in less than an hour, we had Lilly!  The recovery was painful, but I didn't know any different. I think I had a touch of post partum depression, which makes for not-so-good memories of those first few days and weeks.  You know what they say, "if I knew then what I know now......"
  With Ryley, I was determined to have a VBAC, a vaginal birth after cesarean.  It is quite common, very safe, and recommend by the American Academy of Obstetrics and Gynecology (AACOG) as the first choice for delivery of moms who are a "good candidate".  I qualified as a good candidate and did not want a repeat c-section!!  When I went into labor on my own at home at 38 weeks exactly, I was thrilled!  No pitocin for me!  (Besides, most docs won't induce a VBAC, it increases risk for uterine rupture)  I labored at home, then at work and then at home again for 12 hours.  It started slow and small, like it should and steadily got harder, longer and closer together.  When the contractions were only about 5 minutes apart, Carl took me to the hospital!  I was so stoked!  I was doing it!  I was gonna finally have what I wanted, a vaginal birth!  HAHA, NOT! says Ryley!  After I was settled in at the hospital, my water had broken by this time, the nurse doing the first internal exam says, "hmmmm.  I don't think that's a head down there."  EXCUSE ME?!  What do you mean not a head?!  In fact, when Dr. Horn came in with ultrasound, he confirmed her suspicions that Ryley was breech, her head up in my ribs!  Since I had had a prior c-section, I was not a candidate for a version, which is an attempt to manually turn the baby from the outside.  So, I was prepped for and wheeled into surgery, and at 3:56 am my stubborn Ryley girl was born butt first!  I have to be honest here.  I had a spinal block and not an epidural this time, and after surgery I could feel my legs really quickly.  The recovery from the second c-section was a breeze, even if I know it was more painful than the average vaginal birth.  I relished in my new baby daughter but a part of me was (is still) really frustrated!  I know it was not any one's "fault"  but I still feel kind of cheated!
  Every woman's body is built to have babies.  One hundred years ago, there weren't these extreme medical interventions.  I appreciate what medicine and technology brings to the table as far as safety, the health of the baby and my own health are concerned but I feel left out of what could be such a normal, natural thing.  Even though the AACOG still recommends VBAC as a safe alternative to elective c-sections, even after two surgeries, it is next to impossible to find a doctor that thinks a VBA2C (vag birth after two cesareans) is a good idea.  Indeed, risk for mom and baby does increase with each c-section performed.  But the risk of elective major abdominal surgery looms large too!  The risks for both are very real, and very different.  When meeting with my doctors, even early on, not one of them thinks a VBA2C is a good idea.  They all recommend elective c-sections at 39 weeks.  It also seems like they want to try to scare you with the risks that trying for a vaginal birth brings, but no one wants to talk about the risks for major abdominal surgery.  I definitely do not want to labor again, be disappointed again, and end up with a c-section again.  In that aspect, it might be nice just to schedule it and not have to ever labor.  But a HUGE part of me wants the whole natural experience.  Doing it the way nature intended.  Dr. Hess says she will support me as long as they are convinced baby is small (how are they gonna know that?!) and that I don't get too close to my due date.  At which time, she will insist I schedule a c-section.  There is ONE doctor in all of Kentucky that will work with, and recommends VBA2Cs.  He is one hour away, and does not take my insurance, so that is out of the question. 
  As I re-read this, I realize that it has turned into quite a long rant.  I didn't mean for it to turn out quite so long to read, and thanks to anyone who made it all the way to the end of my frustrating story.  So, despite it all, I am left to wait and see.  Wait and see if baby is "big or small"?  will I go into labor naturally?  early enough?  Can my body do it? but what about, can it do it in a way that allows the docs to let me have my way?  We all just want whats best for baby, but its not going to be easy to stand up to a doctor who also claims to have baby's best interest in mind.  But they are licensed professionals.  I am just a mom.  What do I know???