And baby makes five!

  There is nothing quite like seeing your wiggly little baby on a big T.V. screen.  It really helps make it more real for me.  I know I am pregnant, we are making plans and getting prepared but I can't say it has really felt real yet.  Seeing a moving living heart beating thing that you and your partner created, that is a powerful thing.  The baby measured right on schedule and my due date is officially March 6, 2012.  Since I have had two previous c-sections, Dr. Saxena insists I schedule a c-section this time.  I trust her and I am going to go with this plan, but I can honestly say I am a little disappointed.  I really wanted, at least one time, a different birth experience.  I hoped and prayed for a VBAC with Ryley but she stubbornly decided to be breech at the last minute (after 12 hours of labor thank you!).  I guess its just not in the cards for me, and after seeing a good friend go through a torturous delivery with uterine rupture, I am just going to have to be okay with scheduled c-section.  The one nice thing may be getting to pick the baby's birthday.  Both the girls were born at 38 weeks, so we may not make it to 39.  BUT if we do, 39 weeks puts me on or around Leap Year Day Feb. 29.  Not sure how I feel about that.  Could be weird, could be cool, any thoughts?  Also, since Ryley is already a February baby, I've thought about waiting till March 1st so they'd have different birth months.  There's still plenty of time for all that, I was just so glad to see our little gummy bear looking baby on the screen!

Out of Order

  Recently I was reading on my friend Krista's blog http://www.playdatecrashers.com/  a little debate among moms.  When is your child old enough to use a public restroom by his/herself?  There was also talk about genders and age-appropriateness, but we can talk about that at a later date.  My question is, when DO you know if your kiddo is old enough?  Obviously all kids are different, and each situation unique.  I am also convinced I have seen the inside of every.single.public.restroom in Frankfort, and lots more on our well traveled routes.  This is surely an integral part of successful potty training, and Ryley has done tremendously well.  Part of that success is Mommy's willingness to stop whatever whenever and take her to the restroom.   Two year olds cannot hold it for long. 

  It is inevitable, when at a restaurant, without another adult, when our butts hit the seat, one kid will say, "I needa go potty!"  Usually it is Ryley.  Tonight, it was Lilly.  In a place like Walmart with huge bathrooms and lots of people, I would never consider letting her go alone.  In Taco Bell, with no other patrons, in a two stall bathroom, I thought I would let her give it a shot.  So I waited patiently at our table with a direct line of site to the bathroom door.  A few minutes ticked by.  A lady went into the bathroom.  The same lady came out of the bathroom.  I couldn't stand it anymore, I had to check on her.  I opened the bathroom door just in time to see Lilly come strolling out of a stall with a huge sign on it marked OUT OF ORDER.  Headslap!!!!  Seriously?!  She can "read" enough to know men's from women's and is recognizing all her letters and sounds but obviously could not read the sign!! So, lesson learned.  If your child is not old enough to read potential "out of order" signs, she is probably not old enough to go to a public restroom alone.

Homesick

  My in-laws live about two hours away from us.  Carl is an only child, so our kids will be my in-laws only grand kids.  I come from a family of four kids, and my parents have already been blessed with four grand babies, and another on the way.  Two of their kids are still waiting to be married and start their families and add big numbers to our already big and blessed family.  I struggle to remember that though all grandchildren are cherished, but to my in-laws, my gals are IT!  Literally and figuratively.  Sometimes its a struggle when I feel the seemingly constant need I feel to say no to something that a child asks of a grandparent.  My in-laws are wonderful special people and have always (and I am sure will continue to) honor our wishes as parents.  They aren't the go-behind-the-back types in any way.  But I sometimes find myself giving in to an otherwise definite no situation. 
  That being said, this past weekend we spent some time at their house attending a wedding of Carl's high school pal.  As the weekend was coming to a close, Lilly insisted that she should spend, "five days at Grandpa's house."  A family friend, 11 years old, was staying too, and she would have someone to play with all week long.  Grandpa is home during the day, so there is really no reason to say no here.  I knew Grandpa and Grandma would love some special one-on-one Lilly time.  Aside from my insides screaming,  "but she's just a baby!!  My baby!  I am not ready and she is not ready and I don't want her to stay.  But I am going to let her and I am not going to like it!"  We drive away with only Ryley in the backseat, Lilly waving at me from the porch as we drive away.  I cried all the way to the interstate and was teary half way home.  Even Carl was teary, it just didn't feel right without her with us. 
  Fast forward to today, Tuesday (less than two days later).  A teary Lilly on the phone saying, "I miss you mommy I wanna come home!".  We were going to meet halfway on Friday and pick her up, but instead the exchanged happened today instead.  Mostly, I am relieved my little girl is home, back where things feel right.  I should be disappointed she didn't make it all week long like a big girl, but secretly (or not so secretly, now) I am glad she couldn't do it.  I am glad my baby missed me.  Its a nice reminder that I still mean something to her, she still needs me.  These moments feel so fleeting, it feels like she needs me less and less every day.  Maybe that's why its an appealing thought to keep having babies, so I will always feel needed.....

Bedtime!

Ahhh bedtime.  My favorite time of the day!  Don't get me wrong, I love my girls so much.  If I didn't I wouldn't have had them, and wouldn't choose to be a (mostly) SAHM.  I can't venture to say if all moms feel this way, but I imagine most do.  I love the way they smell fresh and clean from a bath.  I love their attentive little faces as we read a book (or two, or five, like tonight).  I love their sleepy little eyes and the way they have the same requests every night.  Rock me this way.  Sing this song to me.  Butterfly kisses.  Scratch my back.  Drink of water?  Some days this routine feels so monotonous I could scream.  However, when I hold them or rub their hair before they fall asleep, its a reminder of how fleeting this time is.  This sounds so cliche, but I feel like it was only yesterday that we were bringing Lilly home from the hospital.  So I know it will be another blink of the eye and she'll think she won't need me anymore and will be embarrassed by me.  They'll both be ganging up on me and saying stuff like, "but MOM, its not fair!"  "Why can't I stay out past curfew?!" 
So for now at least, the house is all quiet, signaling the end of another day.  Sigh....

The infamous lovey.

   For what its worth, no one at our house has a lovey.  They have names for heaven's sake!  You should address them properly, lest you be harshly corrected by a four year old.  We have what seems like hundreds of stuffed animals and dolls lying around the house.  I wonder what it is about a certain one that makes it so special in a childs eyes?  Why do these few particular animals need to be hidden when the girls older cousin Payton comes for a visit? 

   Lilly has had Georgie the giraffe since she was about 18 months old.  We had stopped at a rest area on a trip to Paducah and she spotted this stuffed giraffe.  Being the frugal bunch that we are, we told her no.  She must have been destined to have that giraffe because we found one identical at the local Paducah thrift store that very same weekend (it was only $2!).  I always assumed Georgie was a boy.  More recently, Lilly informed me it was a nickname and SHE was actually called Georgina.  Duh, mom!  Lilly also treasures a little stuffed doggie called PeeWee.  She also has a blankie she calls silkie that is a yard sale recieving blankie that I cut in two long ago so I could wash one half at a time.  She is old enough not to NEED these items anymore, but she still treasures them like gold.

  Ryley got a stuffed pig for her first Christmas, his name is Pig William (like Olivia's brother).  She also has a little dog called Pearl thats a pink poodle, but her favor has moved of late to a little Ty beenie baby dog called Tracker "he's a basket hound"  she'll say.  She, too has a little silkie taggie blanket I made for her before she was born.  She likes to rub on it as she goes to sleep. 
  I can only imagine what our house is going to be like as we add to our brood, and thus add to the piles of toys and clothes.  But what I can't imagine is how its going to feel years from now, coming across one of these once cherished animals and remembering my babies when they were young.

The game changer.

There aren't too many single words that can change your whole world quite like "pregnant".  Don't get me wrong, we were definitely "trying" to get pregnant.  In fact, we had been for some time.  I have been diagnosed with something called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or PCOS for short.  I got diagnosed when we were having trouble getting pregnant with our first.  For me, a medicine to help correct my insulin resistance also helped to correct my hormone imbalance and we got pregnant quickly.  The second time around, it was even quicker!  So, I hoped the third time around would be just as easy.  Wrong.  I know lots of ladies struggle with infertility and 8 months doesn't seem like a long time, but it sure felt like it. 

If you have ever seen this screen in your own home, or a more traditional "2 pink lines" test, your brain has ridden the proverbial emotional roller coaster.  Even now, more than a week later, I am still in shock and continue to have all manner of emotions ranging from thrilled and excited, to terrified and worried.  "What are we doing?! We're gonna be outnumbered!"  mixed with "We're completing our family! and "We're so blessed!!"  Also, because we have two daughters, there have already been loads of comments like, "don't you want a boy now?" or "Are you hoping for a boy?".  As much as I would like a son, sometimes I resent the comments, even though I never let on.  Am I supposed to feel like somethings missing because I only have girls?  Well, I won't be upset either way this time.  Maybe God just realizes how good we are at raising intelligent, beautiful sweetheart young ladies!  I guess only time will tell!

Introductions!

I figure, first things, first.   I should introduce my important "peeps".  As most moms would agree, I do not put myself first in my life.  Everyone else's needs always seem to come first on a daily basis.  Its something I am always trying to work on, making time for me.  So, I'll start with me.  I realized as I surfed through the billions of pictures I have saved on my computer, I have very few of just me.  The one's I do have a me, obviously I took myself.  You know what they say, if you want something done right, do it  yourself! 

Second, the love of my life.  Carl and I met in a class in college in January 2002.  He was so dang cute and he sat right next to me every Friday morning.  If you went to Eastern Kentucky University between 1999-2003, you know that Thursday nights were a big, fun night!  Friday morning 8 am classes were the pits.  I am not sure I was ever showered or presentable in that class, but somehow I caught his eye.  He stumbled upon me one afternoon in April working the drivethru at Arby's, and as they say, the rest, is history!  We married April 2004 and I am more in love with him every day!

Next, my oldest daughter Lilly (or as she would tell you Lillian Elaine).  She is four, almost five, and its unbelievable how fast these past few years have gone by.  She reminds me so much of myself, not just in looks but in personality and spirit.  She's a soft-hearted soul, a people pleaser and a real leader (a.k.a. bossy).  She's very sensitve and gets her feelings hurt easily.  She's a budding ballerina, and she includes dancer in her extensive list of things she wants to be when she grows up, including chef, horse rider, veterinarian and princess.  I'm glad she was born just after the kindergarden cutoff, or she would be off to school this fall. Momma's not ready for that yet, and I'm glad I get to keep her home with me one more year!

Last, but not least, my daughter Ryley.  She was two in February and is as feisty as her sister is sweet.  They have a few commonalities when it comes to looks and personality, but they are so different!  Ryley is a real sweetheart when she wants to be, but she can be a firecracker!  She's more mischevious than her sister ever was, she's curious, adventurous and scared of nothing (except strangers, of course).  She is so easy to love with a big wide smile and sparkling blue eyes.  I can never stay mad at her very long!  She reminds me so much of her dad, and that makes me love her even more!

Into the trenches!

   I love my journal.  It's an actual bound notebook full of lined pages that I started when my husband and I found out we were pregnant with our first daughter, Lilly.  It was February 2006.  I kept that journal religiously throughout the entire pregnancy, and into her first years.  Slowly, the entries became fewer and further between.  I started having to jot down dates and notes on scrap paper, and eventually transfer them to the journal.  I continued to journal through the birth of our second daughter, the purchase of our second home, and lots of highs and lows in between.  I love to write down funny little things the girls say or do, describe things that we did or places we went.  Its a nice compilation of feelings and thoughts, notes to my daughters.  Anyone have a grandparent that has a family bible that has births and deaths written on the inside cover?  (Maybe its a country thing?)  My journal has been this for me, a place to see who's babies have entered the world, and losses our family has suffered.  You can read about the daily frustrations and joys of my motherhood experience. 
   So why should I put this journaling skill into a blog, you might ask?  I can't really explain it.  I am little addicted to the internet.  Sometimes, it gives me a feeling of being connected to other moms, other people like me, even if they are perfect stranger's.  Will I give up my pen and paper journal?  No way.  Its so important to me, I really should keep it in a fireproof safe.  I consider my journal a gift to my girls, something for them to some day read and enjoy.  This blog, it's a gift to myself.  Will anyone else read it?  I don't care.  Will they like it?  I don't care about that either.  But I have something to share with myself and maybe the world, and this seems like a nice place start.
  So, welcome to my blog! I hope you enjoy reading about my adventures in the mommyhood trenches as much as I enjoy experiencing (and living) them!