Tuesday, July 19, 2011


  My in-laws live about two hours away from us.  Carl is an only child, so our kids will be my in-laws only grand kids.  I come from a family of four kids, and my parents have already been blessed with four grand babies, and another on the way.  Two of their kids are still waiting to be married and start their families and add big numbers to our already big and blessed family.  I struggle to remember that though all grandchildren are cherished, but to my in-laws, my gals are IT!  Literally and figuratively.  Sometimes its a struggle when I feel the seemingly constant need I feel to say no to something that a child asks of a grandparent.  My in-laws are wonderful special people and have always (and I am sure will continue to) honor our wishes as parents.  They aren't the go-behind-the-back types in any way.  But I sometimes find myself giving in to an otherwise definite no situation. 
  That being said, this past weekend we spent some time at their house attending a wedding of Carl's high school pal.  As the weekend was coming to a close, Lilly insisted that she should spend, "five days at Grandpa's house."  A family friend, 11 years old, was staying too, and she would have someone to play with all week long.  Grandpa is home during the day, so there is really no reason to say no here.  I knew Grandpa and Grandma would love some special one-on-one Lilly time.  Aside from my insides screaming,  "but she's just a baby!!  My baby!  I am not ready and she is not ready and I don't want her to stay.  But I am going to let her and I am not going to like it!"  We drive away with only Ryley in the backseat, Lilly waving at me from the porch as we drive away.  I cried all the way to the interstate and was teary half way home.  Even Carl was teary, it just didn't feel right without her with us. 
  Fast forward to today, Tuesday (less than two days later).  A teary Lilly on the phone saying, "I miss you mommy I wanna come home!".  We were going to meet halfway on Friday and pick her up, but instead the exchanged happened today instead.  Mostly, I am relieved my little girl is home, back where things feel right.  I should be disappointed she didn't make it all week long like a big girl, but secretly (or not so secretly, now) I am glad she couldn't do it.  I am glad my baby missed me.  Its a nice reminder that I still mean something to her, she still needs me.  These moments feel so fleeting, it feels like she needs me less and less every day.  Maybe that's why its an appealing thought to keep having babies, so I will always feel needed.....

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