When Carl and I married, children (God willing) were a given. We had some discussions about how many we'd like to have, but never settled on a definite number. His only input was we definately needed more than one, since he grew up an only child. (His parents lost his sister when she was only a few weeks old) I come from a family of four kids, and I have a huge number of cousins with whom I am very close, so having a "big" family has always been something I wanted. There was no doubt in my mind, when Lilly was born, we would have more. Lots of people asked if we were done when Ryley came along. I would say to them, God willing, at least one more!
Now, our little girl #3 is here, and already having her half year birthday! Not something particularly exciting to "celebrate" but it feels like another milestone. I have survived three kids for six months and I have lived to tell the tale! It has been more joyful and more difficult than I imagined it would be. I have a few close friends who have two kids and would like more but their husbands all have been using the man-to-man vs. zone defense argument. There is no doubt, we are outnumbered here! However, I wouldn't change it for anything.
I also have to wonder, if I'd had a son, would I be wondering, "am I really done having kids?" I was always a tom boy, loved sports and the outdoors. I always pictured myself raising sons for some reason. Now here I am, knee deep in princesses, ponies and pink stuff, and loving it!! A friend of mine, blessed with five beautiful kids said to me once (her youngest a girl), "I really wanted her to be a boy, but I have never been so glad I have her in my life." Its true, God gives us what we need, not what we want! Even though I felt the heartache and disappointment when we discovered Avery was a girl, I can not imagine not having her in my life. I can't picture any other face in her place. I can't wait to see her grow up with her sisters learning all things girly, and all things tom boy-ish too!
Recently, I started tagging winter clothes Avery has already grown out of, and a variety of other baby things, for a local consigment sale. I have had quite a few weepy moments putting those little baby things on hangers and sending them out my door. I kept the few that meant the most to me, but really it was monumental, the thought that all my babies weren't tiny babies anymore, and none of them would ever wear this outfit or that outfit again. It wasn't the clothes, just the memories that choked me up. I can honestly say (again, unless God sees fit to surprise us) that the Groce baby factory is done making babies. Its just hard to believe my child bearing days are over. I have a pang of jealous when my friends talk about their pregnancy, but I can honestly say I don't want to do it again.
I can also say this: I still want to have a son. If we survive three kids for a few more months, maybe a few more years, just maybe I can talk my husband into adoption. Its something thats been on my heart for a while, and I've been praying and thinking maybe this is why God gave me three daughters, so I would pursue adding to our family through adoption. I guess thats a post for a different day.
So, pray for us, our family and future decisions, and from mommy to Avery Pearl, happy 6 months baby girl!