Wholly Outnumbered!

   It has taken me a few days to get it together and post about our big ultrasound!!  Three days ago, we went for our Level II 20 week ultrasound in Lexington.  I was 20 weeks exactly.  I hardly slept the night before, though only partially because I was anxious about the upcoming ultrasound.  Carl and I took the girls with us, and they were (mostly) very well behaved and very curious about what was going on!  The technician was amazing and explained everything she was measuring and taking pictures of.  She'd say, "there's the baby's hand, or head, or kidneys, etc, etc."  Thankfully, the tech was able to get great pictures of the baby's heart and it looked completely normal!  My husband has a sister who died as a newborn from complications of a congenital heart defect.  Because it is hereditary, and despite the fact that Carl is healthy, he could still potentially pass on this defect to our children!  Since I have a decent medical background, I had huge tears rolling down my face as the technician scanned and measured the baby's heart.  I could see all four chambers and all four valves working away!  I could see the blood flow coloring going in all the appropriate places!  It was truly a relief!  The baby measured right on schedule, not effecting the due date at all!  The last pictures the technician printed for us were between the baby's legs.  She said, "I'll bet mom and dad know what those three white lines mean!  Its a girl!" 





Here is a picture of her profile!  It reminds me of

 what Lilly's looked like when I was pregnant with her!

   I have to be honest here, and I know this sort of opinion is usually scoffed at.  I was really hoping this baby was a boy.  I actually don't mind the idea of having three daughters, in fact, I am really looking forward to it!  Its just that we are pretty much done having children and it was very sad for me to think that I will never have a son.  I felt guilty for feeling disappointed in any way, because she was beautiful, healthy and perfect!  But emotions are emotions, and to say I was thrilled Tuesday afternoon wouldn't be honest.   I am just sad I may never have a mommy's little boy.  It wasn't an easy afternoon for me, but a few days and a little perspective really helps.  Also, buying her an adorable girly newborn cloth diaper really helped me bond more with the idea of having baby girl #3!!  My husband was outnumbered before, but now, wholly outnumbered!  Tonight, he was leaving to go camping with my brothers for a bachelor celebration, and my girls were both begging him to stay home and giving him teary puppy dog eyes.  They both adore him, and he said, "how could you not want three of these little adoring fans?"  He makes my heart melt!  He is, however, already planning his basement room next door to the existing man cave so he can retreat when the girls are teens and its "that time of the month"!  Also, there has been much discussion between Lilly and Ryley about whether the baby will have brown eyes or blue!  This is the tie breaker we are all going to be looking forward to! 

   After a few days of discussion, we've settled on a name.  Circumstances caused us to change our girl name choice earlier in the pregnancy.  Despite that, she was easier to name than Ryley was.  We started calling the baby this sooner than we were ready to say, this is definitely her name!  I wish I was a "surprise" kind of girl, and we could keep the name to ourselves until she was born, but I just can't do it!  Tiny and perfect, Avery Pearl will join our family sometime in February or March, and I am really looking forward to meeting her!

Lilly turns five!

A little trip down memory lane to celebrate my Lilly girl's fifth birthday! 

Lillian Elaine born 10-10-06, 7 pounds,
2 ounces, 19 inches at 9:56 pm!

First birthday!

Second birthday!

Third birthday!  (Celebrating at the beach!)

Fourth birthday!  (10-10-10 first weekend in our new house!)

Fifth birthday!

It is a little sad to scroll through and really see how much she has grown and changed!  She has been such a joy in our lives and is so smart and fun to be around!  She asked today since she was 5 now, could she go to Kindergarden now?  Thankfully, I can still wait on that one!  Happy Birthday Lilly girl!  Mom loves you!!

Changing my mind...

  I figure, as a pregnant women, you have a built in right to be fickle.  To change your mind whenever you want.  To love Mexican food one day, and just the thought of it the next day makes you want to vomit.  I think for all the work and strain growing a baby can cause, the right to change your mind should be a given! 
  Also, when you consider all the plans and decisions that a baby brings into the picture, it makes "making up your mind" a very difficult task sometimes.  I don't typically find myself to be a wishy-washy person.  There are just a few things I am finding it hard to decide about, and others decisions that I don't have as much control over.  Or that I will have to wait much longer to decide what is right.  I HATE being in limbo!  I like making a plan!  I don't mind adapting or changing a plan, and I find myself pretty flexible when it comes to these things.
  Seems like the rantings of a hormonal preggo lady?  Guess you are right.  Its just a few things have been weighing on my mind and there is just no answer in sight.  The biggest decision (or choice) I am facing is about the delivery of the baby.  When I was pregnant the first time, I only just worried about what delivery would be like, but not really how different my expectations would be from reality. 
  A bit of a background of my baby deliveries:  at 38 weeks 1 day with Lilly, I started "leaking" fluid in the afternoon.  By the next morning, still leaking but not in labor I went to the hospital.  I was strep B positive, so they induced labor with pitocin.  I started off barely a fingertip dilated.  After 8 hours I was only 2 cm and the pitocin was awful!  They just kept bumping it up and up and up and it was excruciating, and to top it off, not doing anything!!  8 hours after that, I got an epidural, I was only 4 cm, exhausted and ready to give up.  They let me labor a while longer, which didn't change my cervix, and because I had ruptured so long ago, they thought it best to deliver by c-section.  I gave in and in less than an hour, we had Lilly!  The recovery was painful, but I didn't know any different. I think I had a touch of post partum depression, which makes for not-so-good memories of those first few days and weeks.  You know what they say, "if I knew then what I know now......"
  With Ryley, I was determined to have a VBAC, a vaginal birth after cesarean.  It is quite common, very safe, and recommend by the American Academy of Obstetrics and Gynecology (AACOG) as the first choice for delivery of moms who are a "good candidate".  I qualified as a good candidate and did not want a repeat c-section!!  When I went into labor on my own at home at 38 weeks exactly, I was thrilled!  No pitocin for me!  (Besides, most docs won't induce a VBAC, it increases risk for uterine rupture)  I labored at home, then at work and then at home again for 12 hours.  It started slow and small, like it should and steadily got harder, longer and closer together.  When the contractions were only about 5 minutes apart, Carl took me to the hospital!  I was so stoked!  I was doing it!  I was gonna finally have what I wanted, a vaginal birth!  HAHA, NOT! says Ryley!  After I was settled in at the hospital, my water had broken by this time, the nurse doing the first internal exam says, "hmmmm.  I don't think that's a head down there."  EXCUSE ME?!  What do you mean not a head?!  In fact, when Dr. Horn came in with ultrasound, he confirmed her suspicions that Ryley was breech, her head up in my ribs!  Since I had had a prior c-section, I was not a candidate for a version, which is an attempt to manually turn the baby from the outside.  So, I was prepped for and wheeled into surgery, and at 3:56 am my stubborn Ryley girl was born butt first!  I have to be honest here.  I had a spinal block and not an epidural this time, and after surgery I could feel my legs really quickly.  The recovery from the second c-section was a breeze, even if I know it was more painful than the average vaginal birth.  I relished in my new baby daughter but a part of me was (is still) really frustrated!  I know it was not any one's "fault"  but I still feel kind of cheated!
  Every woman's body is built to have babies.  One hundred years ago, there weren't these extreme medical interventions.  I appreciate what medicine and technology brings to the table as far as safety, the health of the baby and my own health are concerned but I feel left out of what could be such a normal, natural thing.  Even though the AACOG still recommends VBAC as a safe alternative to elective c-sections, even after two surgeries, it is next to impossible to find a doctor that thinks a VBA2C (vag birth after two cesareans) is a good idea.  Indeed, risk for mom and baby does increase with each c-section performed.  But the risk of elective major abdominal surgery looms large too!  The risks for both are very real, and very different.  When meeting with my doctors, even early on, not one of them thinks a VBA2C is a good idea.  They all recommend elective c-sections at 39 weeks.  It also seems like they want to try to scare you with the risks that trying for a vaginal birth brings, but no one wants to talk about the risks for major abdominal surgery.  I definitely do not want to labor again, be disappointed again, and end up with a c-section again.  In that aspect, it might be nice just to schedule it and not have to ever labor.  But a HUGE part of me wants the whole natural experience.  Doing it the way nature intended.  Dr. Hess says she will support me as long as they are convinced baby is small (how are they gonna know that?!) and that I don't get too close to my due date.  At which time, she will insist I schedule a c-section.  There is ONE doctor in all of Kentucky that will work with, and recommends VBA2Cs.  He is one hour away, and does not take my insurance, so that is out of the question. 
  As I re-read this, I realize that it has turned into quite a long rant.  I didn't mean for it to turn out quite so long to read, and thanks to anyone who made it all the way to the end of my frustrating story.  So, despite it all, I am left to wait and see.  Wait and see if baby is "big or small"?  will I go into labor naturally?  early enough?  Can my body do it? but what about, can it do it in a way that allows the docs to let me have my way?  We all just want whats best for baby, but its not going to be easy to stand up to a doctor who also claims to have baby's best interest in mind.  But they are licensed professionals.  I am just a mom.  What do I know???

Cloth diapering

    Recently, I was in line at Babys R Us and a young couple, obviously expecting a child, was checking out in front of me.  They had a tower of disposable diapers in their cart, and their total came to well over $300!  A small part of me wanted to scream at them, "you should look into cloth!  You could nearly diaper your child from birth to potty training with that much money!"  So that price is a small exageration, but it really does ring true!  You can diaper your baby from birth through potty training for a fraction of the cost of disposables!  If for no other reason, you should look into it!  Help me spread the word!  Everyone knows someone who has a baby!  For me, it has become a small obsession to shop for, research, and spread the good word about cloth diapering.  But I have to be honest, it wasn't always this way for me.  I used disposable diapers for Lilly and never batted an eye.  Even when battling rashes that were obviously caused by a particular brand of diaper, I never even considered cloth.  Why?  Because I was uninformed.  I am convinced if two things changed, everyone (or nearly everyone) would be using modern cloth diapers.  1)  Information.  If people were informed about the whats, why's and hows of cloth, everyone would choose cloth over disposable.  and  2) Accessibility.  A friend offered to let me borrow a few cloth diapers and try them out, which convinced me to get some of my own.  And for the most part, cloth is only purchasable online.  This makes it difficult to convince someone to try it because its hard to think of making an investment without trying it out in person first.
There are so many reasons why I love cloth, and I think at least one of each of those reasons can speak to every mom.  They are environmentally friendly, cost effective, better for baby and stinkin' adorable (pun intended)!  For me, cost was a huge plus.  I started cloth diapering Ryley at 14 months old and my diapers still paid for themselves in about 5 months time.  She still uses cloth at night, and occasionally during naps, so it has been a huge savings for us.  Now, I have a stash of cloth diapers ready to go for baby #3!  I won't lie, I will probably buy a few new diapers after we find out the sex of the baby, but I know I will be saving a ton in money and for mother earth.  I know lots of moms are skeptical about cloth, and I was too, but it has been one of the best choices and changes I have made as a parent.  I would LOVE to answer anyone's questions about switching to cloth, and remember, its not too late even if you don't have a small baby! 

   Here are some cool links to check out with more info about cloth.  This first link is a blog post about the cost savings of cloth diapering.

 http://serwachic.blogspot.com/2009/07/are-cloth-diapers-really-cheaper-than.html

This is a three part series put together by my friend Krista at The Playdate Crashers.  It REALLY breaks down some of the questions, concerns, costs, etc about cloth!  Krista was the "friend" I mentioned earlier in the post that let me borrow a few cloth diapers to give it a try!  I will always be thankful to her for that!

http://www.playdatecrashers.com/?tag=cloth-diapers

This blog is titled "Why I went cloth, and you can too!"  Very relatable!

http://www.theclothdiaperwhisperer.com/2010/08/why-i-went-cloth-and-you-can-too.html

  Now for some pictures!  Here are some adorable shots of my Ryley bug in her prized diapers! 

(Raspberry Knickernappies pocket diaper)

(Blue Stars Kawaii pocket diaper)

And here are my baby nephews Jude to the left, Pax to the right.  Jude is modeling a gray gdiaper and Pax a brown Fuzzibunz pocket diaper.

Last but not least, my adored "stash" of diapers pretty-ing up my laundry line!

Introducing Jasmine!

Back in June, our family cat Frankie was killed by a neighbors car.  Our girls were devastated.  He was a stray cat that was so sweet and lovable! 

Lilly had been asking for a kitten for a while now, but our excuse had always been, "but we already have a cat!"  Well, now that excuse didn't hold water, and shortly after Frankie died, they started asking for a kitten.  A friend at work told us she knew someone that had kittens and was getting them all fixed, and it would be free to us!  An excellent situation!  We agreed and the girls even went out to her farm to visit and pick out a kitten.  Lilly debated back and forth the merits of naming it Ariel for a girl or Sebastian for a boy.  The kittens were still too small to come home with us, so we had to wait.  A few weeks later, my friend came to me upset.  The lady was not going to give her kittens away after all, she had decided just to keep them! :(  Lilly was devastated when I told her, she cried and cried about her long lost stripey kitten. 
Fast forward to one week ago today.  A knock on our door, a neighbor lady with a tiny stripey kitten in a carrier.  City workers found it in the sewer drain being worked on near our home.  She thought the kitten might be ours.  Lilly squealed!  "My stripey kittie!!" It wasn't ours before, but now she is!  Lilly changed her mind about the name and decided on Jasmine, and we have been calling her Jazzy!  I feel like I scold the girls constantly to put her down, Ryley especially!  But Jazzy is such a sweet smart girl, tolerant of all the handling, also she's really getting used to the dog and already filling out some!  She has been a great addition to the family!  Best part?  Since I am pregnant someone else (aka Carl) has to do the litter box cleaning!
Here our some pictures of our little addition Jasmine!
 

Lilly has her playing dress up already!

Curious about bathtime!  She hopped up there herself!

So cute!!

a fun filled MOPS weekend!

  MOPS.  Are you familiar?  And no, its not a handy (mostly unused in my house) cleaning utensil.  It stands for Mothers of Preschoolers.  It has become so close to my heart.  I joined MOPS at my sister in law's urging shortly after Lilly was born.  For me, it started as a morning off to get together with other moms, eat breakfast and chit chat.  However, the more I attended MOPS meetings, the more I loved it!  What a need MOPS filled in my life.  It's so isolating sometimes to have a small child and to stay at home with it all day--and for me, especially worse because it was winter time.  I recall mourning on days when MOPS was cancelled because of inclement weather!  Slowly, I took small leadership roles in my group.  Slowly, I gleaned more and more growth from the experience, both as a mother, a women and as a Christian.  Its a Christian based organization, but our group strives to make all moms feel welcome, regardless of their beliefs or affiliations.    Eventually, I accepted the role as coordinator of the group, and now with a great team of ladies behind me, we plan and prepare our monthly meetings.  From the outside it may seem like we are just a sort of moms group who get together and hang out once a month.  But we are so much more and I am proud of that!
   This past weekend reiterated to me how big and powerful MOPS can be.  It is an International organization, with more than 4000+ groups worldwide, effecting 14.3 million moms in over 30 countries (and those are 2009 statistics)!  Last night, I returned home from a fast-paced, fun-filled weekend of fellowship at the MOPS Int. Convention in Nashville, TN.  We stayed at the Opryland Hotel and spent Thursday, Friday and Saturday at workshops, concerts, hearing speakers and worshipping the Lord.  I grew up in the Catholic Church where loud "amens" never happened.  I now attend a fairly small church and let me tell you, there is NOTHING like worshipping with 3,000 women to live Christian music!  Its a totally new experience for me and there is nothing like it!  I made new friends and cemented existing friendships.  I laughed like I haven't laughed in sometime.  We all SLEPT IN one morning-it was 9:30 am CST (which is 10:30 am my time!!)  We walked like crazy, learned so much my brain was overflowing, and was recharged spiritually to the brim!!
  MOPS may not be as earth-shattering for you as it is for me.  However, what mom can't benefit from the friendship of other moms?  I guarantee you, there is a MOPS group near you!  You can check out http://www.mops.org/ and search for a group near you!  And don't think if you are a working mom, or don't have preschoolers anymore that you are left out!  There are now groups for mothers of school-aged kids called MOMSnext and are geared specifically towards those needs.  There are also groups that meet at night, during the day, and on the weekend.  There is a group for you! 
  This years MOPS theme verse is "God doesn't want us to be shy with his gifts, but bold, loving and sensible." 2 Timothy 1:7  All the discussion this weekend revolving around this theme verse reminds me that everyone has different gifts and talents, but they all deserve to be cultivated, cherished and shared!  So I encourage everyone to get out there, find yourself a MOPS group and get to sharing already!!

And baby makes five!

  There is nothing quite like seeing your wiggly little baby on a big T.V. screen.  It really helps make it more real for me.  I know I am pregnant, we are making plans and getting prepared but I can't say it has really felt real yet.  Seeing a moving living heart beating thing that you and your partner created, that is a powerful thing.  The baby measured right on schedule and my due date is officially March 6, 2012.  Since I have had two previous c-sections, Dr. Saxena insists I schedule a c-section this time.  I trust her and I am going to go with this plan, but I can honestly say I am a little disappointed.  I really wanted, at least one time, a different birth experience.  I hoped and prayed for a VBAC with Ryley but she stubbornly decided to be breech at the last minute (after 12 hours of labor thank you!).  I guess its just not in the cards for me, and after seeing a good friend go through a torturous delivery with uterine rupture, I am just going to have to be okay with scheduled c-section.  The one nice thing may be getting to pick the baby's birthday.  Both the girls were born at 38 weeks, so we may not make it to 39.  BUT if we do, 39 weeks puts me on or around Leap Year Day Feb. 29.  Not sure how I feel about that.  Could be weird, could be cool, any thoughts?  Also, since Ryley is already a February baby, I've thought about waiting till March 1st so they'd have different birth months.  There's still plenty of time for all that, I was just so glad to see our little gummy bear looking baby on the screen!