The last time I had my hair cut for more than just a small trim was over three years ago. I wasn't growing it out specifically, or not cutting on purpose, I just never cut it. Maybe it was a time thing but for some reason, I just let it grow on and on. A while back, the thought crossed my mind that I could probably donate it by now. The very next thought in my head was, no way, your face is too chubby still. The last time I had my hair very short was when I lost my baby weight with Ryley. I gained all that weight back when I had Avery and I still have yet to lose it. In my head, I kept thinking, I need to get back to my pre-baby weight, and then short hair will look right. I kept telling myself that my hair helped me to feel beautiful, when sometimes I really didn't feel outwardly very beautiful with all that baby weight hanging around still. Recently I read a book by a lady named Lesa Terkheurst called Made to Crave. The subtitle is Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God Not Food. You can not imagine how much this book has changed my perspective. I've blogged before about learning to love oneself with all your flaws, but some days, that's easier to do than others. Reading this book has really opened my eyes to the self deflating thoughts I still sometimes have about myself. Reading this book made me realize I was hanging onto my hair just to have a reason to feel pretty. Lesa's book guided me to scriptures that I have read before but really hit home for some reason this time!!
Psalm 139:14 NIV I praise you
because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Also Psalm 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
1 Peter 3:3-4 ESV Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.
That being said, I am using what I've read and learned to help me make better food choices, and to help me grow in spirit with the Lord. I remind myself daily of my worth in HIM. Feeling worthy, feeling loved, feeling perfect. Those things all come from God, not from hair, from weight loss or gain or beauty of any sort. I've really felt lighter because of this lately, and today, I took a step forward in trusting God's view of me as beautiful. I donated my hair!! Now I feel legitimately lighter!!
